"Dogs and Men" joke

1. How Dogs and Men Are the Same

Both take up too much space on the bed.
Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
Both are threatened by their own kind.
Both mark their territory.
Both are bad at asking you questions.
Neither tells you what's bothering them.
The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
Neither does any dishes.
Both fart shamelessly.
Neither of them notices when you get your hair cut.
Both like dominance games.
Both are suspicious of the postman.
Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.
Neither understands what you see in cats.

2. How Dogs Are Better Than Men

Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
Dogs miss you when you're gone.
Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
Dogs don't criticize your friends.
Dogs admit when they're jealous.
Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
Dogs don't laugh at how you throw.
Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
You can train a dog.
Dogs are easy to buy for.
You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams.
The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas.
(OK. The really worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but
there's a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to
you.)
Dogs understand what no means.
Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner
Dogs admit it when they're lost.
Dogs are colorblind.
Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.
Dogs mean it when they kiss you.

3. Where Dogs Fall Down

Men only have two feet that track in mud.
Men can buy you presents.
Men don't have to play with every man they see when you take them around
the block.
Men are a little bit more subtle.
Men don't eat turds on the sly.
Dogs have dog breath all the time.
Men can do math stuff. But then, who really needs a man to do math?
Men don't shed as much, and if they do, they hide it.
It's fun to dry off a wet man.

And the reverse-----

4. WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN.....

* Dogs don't ask what are you thinking.
* Dogs don't cry.
* Dogs love it when your friends come over.
* Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo.
* Dogs think you sing great.
* A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.
* Dogs don't expect you to call when you are running late.
* The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you
* Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
* Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
* Dogs are excited by rough play.
* Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away.
* Dogs love red meat.
* Dogs can appreciate excessive body hair.
* Anyone can get a good-looking dog.
* If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
* Dogs don't shop.
* Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.
* A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.
* Dogs never need to examine the relationship.
* A dog's parents never visit.
* Dogs love long car trips.
* Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.
* Dogs understand that all animals smaller than dogs were made to be
hunted.