Smaller Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Smaller or larger tuxedo

    Hot 5 years ago

    A friend got married and I, being the best man, decided a humorous practical joke was in order. One of the duties of the best man is to make arrangements for the pick up and return of the groom's tuxedo.After final fitting, rent an extra coat jacket that is either three or four sizes smaller or larger than the groom's. Explain to the tux shop what you're up to. Pick up the groom's fitted coat, switch with the extra rented coat, and deliver to the groom only when it becomes time to actually get dressed.The friend of mine wore a 42 long, but the one I provided was a 38 short. Talk about some serious fun! Don't reveal that you know anything as long as possible.

    Alligators

    Hot 3 years ago

    There once was a set of twin alligators that grew up in the same bayou. One, however, was much larger and stronger than the other.
    One day the twins were sitting there talking, and trying to figure out why one was so much bigger - since they were the same age, had the same genes, and grew up in the same place. The bigger alligator asked his smaller brother where he had been feeding. The smaller said, "down in that parking lot at the end of the bayou, why?". The bigger said, "well, thats where I feed too, what's your technique?"
    The smaller then looked at him and said "well, I go over to one of those lawyers cars, and hide up under it, when he comes out, I grab him, shake the shit out of him, and then eat him."
    The larger then exclaimed, "that's it! by the time you shake the shit out of a lawyer, there's nothing left but the briefcase!"

    A woman keeps asking her husband if her boobs are so small. "Does this shirt make them look bigger? Does this one make them look smaller?" she asks.
    The next day her husband buys her a mirror. Before bed, she always looks in the mirror and asks her husband, "Does this shirt make them look bigger? Does this one make them look smaller?"
    Finally he gets so annoyed that he says, "I know how to make them larger!"
    "How?" she asks.
    "Take a bunch of toilet paper and rub it in between your boobs."
    "Well, how long does it take?" she asks.
    "They should expand over the years," he answers.
    "How did you know that?" she wonders.
    "I dunno, but it sure worked for your ass, didn't it?"

    One day, Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks, Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself.Tom wasn't happy about that: "When are you going to learn to be polite?"Bill: "If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?"Tom: "The smaller piece, of course."Bill: "What are you whining about then? The smaller piece is what you want, right?"

    Paddy was an inveterate drunkard. The parish priest ran into him one day totally inebriated, attempting to stumble home, and gave him a strong lecture against drinking.
    The good father was able to convince Paddy that, "If you continue drinking as you do, you'll gradually get smaller and smaller, and eventually you'll turn into a mouse."
    This frightened the life out of Paddy. He went home that night, and could not get that thought out of his mind. He couldn't sleep for a week worrying about the priest's threat and finally said to his wife, "Bridget....if you should notice me getting smaller and smaller, will ye kill that blasted cat?"

  • Recent Activity