Asking Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Expert Advice

    Hot 5 years ago

    A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"
    "I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."
    The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

    Mr.Watt N Nott

    Hot 5 years ago

    Mr.Watt rang the phone at the residence of Mr.Knott.
    "Who's calling?" asked Knott.
    "Watt."
    "What is your name, please?"
    "Watt's my name."
    "That's what I asked you. What's your name?"
    "That's what I told you. Watt's my name."
    A long pause, and then from Watt, "Is this James Brown?"
    "No, this is Knott."
    "Please tell me your name."
    "Will Knott."
    YOU LEFT THE TALKERS AT A POINT WHERE THEY WERE TOTALLY CONFUSED.
    READ THE REST OF WHAT HAPPENED...
    "Why not?"
    "Huh? What do you mean why not?"
    "Yeah! Why won't you tell me your name?"
    "But I told you my name!"
    "Didn't you say you will not?"
    "Not not, knott, Will Knott!"
    "That's what I mean."
    "So you know my name."
    "Of course not!"
    "Good. So now, what is more...

    Ordering Earl Grey tea from the computer, then smacking himself on the forehead and saying "I could have had a V-8!"
    Yelling "Punchbuggy!" and hitting Riker's arm whenever he sees a shuttle craft
    Screwing around in the holodeck when he ought to be on the bridge
    Spotlighting unsuspecting crew members with the glare from his forehead
    Lecturing everybody on why it's rude to fire the phasers at other life-forms
    Sending crank subspace messages to Starfleet Command asking if Dick Hertz is there
    Asking Beverly Crusher to come to his quarters so he can show her "a REAL Picard Maneuver"
    Ticking off Romulan commanders during tense confrontations in the Neutral Zone by asking "Are those Bugle Boy jeans you're wearing?"
    Telling crew members in menacing, Dirty Harry voice, "Go ahead, Make it so"
    Putting banana peels on the transporter pads just before an away team beams back up

    The Fart Zodiac

    Hot 2 years ago

    Aries

    The Ram. Their farts are "Built Ram Tough". They may feel like Curly-Qs coming out of their asses because their farts mimic the curves of a ram's horns. They, the farts, sometimes like to butt heads with other farts. Since people born under the sign of Aries show strong leadership and like to get things started, they are always the first ones to fart while around other people. Their farts tend to be loud since they are energetic. Do you like to hear robust farts? Too shy to be the first one to fart? Get with an Aries.

    Taurus

    The Bull. Their farts can be very stubborn, and once released, they can stink up a space with power for very long periods of time-longer than average. Their farts just don't want to go away. Their farts can even be kinda sharp and hurt their *******s when they come out, because they are big and mimic the sharp horns of the bull. Since Taurus people love sensual pleasures, they must take care not to over-indulge and more...

    Name Please

    Hot 2 years ago

    "Your name?"
    >> "Dinesh."
    >> "How do you spell it?"
    >> "D-I-N...."
    >> "Slow, slow, T?"
    >> "No, D.
    >> "Is that T as in Tom, or D as in Dennis?"
    >> "No, not Dennis, my name is Dinesh."
    >> "I know that. I am asking you, is that a T as in Tom, or D as in. ..
    >> as in Detroit?"
    >> "I don't know who Tom is, and I haven't been to Detroit. I just came
    >> to the US from Madras."
    >> "OK, OK, I know that. Is that T-I- or D-I-? "
    >> "D. D-I-. D-I-N-E-S-H."
    >> "Is that your last name or first name?"
    >> "Uh? Dinesh is my name."
    >> "OK. What is your LAst name?"
    >> "That is my first and last name. Dinesh."
    >> "Then, is your name Dinesh Dinesh?"
    >> "No. My name is Dinesh."
    >> "But what is your LAST NAME? I am ASKING YOU ABOUT more...

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