Weight Loss Jokes / Recent Jokes

This just in to the Newsdesk...A brand new study has revealed that fecal bacteria was found in almost 50% of soda fountains...I can just see the marketing angle now..."Try the New Dr. Pooper, Diet CaCa Cola and the Mountain Poo." (And where do those carbonated bubbles come from anyway?) Make mine a Root Beer Float (er.) It certainly gives new meaning to Squirt.

A woman was charged with child abuse for starving her 9-year-old daughter, who weighed only 42 pounds when found.
In her defense, the mother said, "There are children starving in Africa, and no one's arresting THEIR parents."
Then she tried, "How about, we're fighting a War on Obesity?"
After living with her grandparents for a month, the child healthily gained 25 pounds.
So she's well on her way to being a perfectly normal teenage girl, right on track to develop an eating disorder that will make her long for her skinnier days.
(Which she'll arguably be more prepared to relive, prompting her mother to say "You're welcome" from prison.)

"Hi there. I'm Jillian Barberie and i lost 40 lbs on the nutri-system program in just 50 weeks. That's right, I lost 40 lbs in just 50 weeks. Just think, in another 150 weeks, you'll be rid of me completely."

The floor of a Weight Watchers clinic in Växjö in south central Swedencollapsed on Wednesday night beneath a group of about 20 participantsin the weight-loss program. Even more of a reality check for the participants: There was no basement.

Coke and Pepsi have both announced new soda pops that are fortified with vitamins and will be marketed as "wellness" drinks.

Following this trend, Krispy Kreme will offer a new line of donuts filled with insulin.

A version of their popular Donut Holes is planned as well and will be called "Toenuts."