Weight Loss Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Increasing numbers of Americans are becoming too fat to fit into X-ray machines, U.S. researchers report.
    The nation's rising obesity problems mean many citizens are not only too large for scanners but they have too much fat for the rays to penetrate.
    Single males who frequent bars in the Midwest have suggested the X-ray machines drink a lot more Jagermeister.

    A woman was charged with child abuse for starving her 9-year-old daughter, who weighed only 42 pounds when found.
    In her defense, the mother said, "There are children starving in Africa, and no one's arresting THEIR parents."
    Then she tried, "How about, we're fighting a War on Obesity?"
    After living with her grandparents for a month, the child healthily gained 25 pounds.
    So she's well on her way to being a perfectly normal teenage girl, right on track to develop an eating disorder that will make her long for her skinnier days.
    (Which she'll arguably be more prepared to relive, prompting her mother to say "You're welcome" from prison.)

    Experts urge ethanol use-fuel is cheaper and diverts some corn from Frito production.

    It has been reported that theere are internet addicts. Their addictions are as serious as drug abusers. The most common symptoms in these "internet addicts" is that they're overweight, antisocial, and still live with their parents...Isn't that just being a loser?

    China will be placing restrictions on adoptions, barring overweight foreigners from adopting its children. This is clearly targeted at Americans, who tend to be overweight.
    That’s pretty good: They send their people over here like every other culture does - to open restaurants where their ethnic cuisine is four time as rich as it is in the motherland, supposedly to suit the American palate but really it’s to make Americans too fat to fight in battle - while the ethnics somehow stay thin eating their food.
    They’re fattening us up for the slaughter! And now they don’t even want us adopting their children, lest they grow up too fat to spy on us.
    Or maybe China just wants to know that the Chinese who get to leave aren’t going to be eating any better than the ones who are starving in China.

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