Weight Jokes

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5kg as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10kg program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you more...

I went out on the piss last night and pulled a georgeous bird.

We made love several times before falling asleep in each others arms.

When I woke up though I had the shock of my life.

She'd put on 60 pounds during the night.

"Well, Jonathan, what are you going to do about the excess weight you're carrying around?" the doctor asked.
"I don't understand it, Doc," Jonathan replied, "I just can't seem to lose weight. I must have an overactive thyroid."
"Jonathan, the tests show that your thyroid is perfectly normal," replied the doctor. "It's your fork that's overactive."

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE! !"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Once in a medieval times, there was a King who was getting sort of bored after dinner onenight. He decided to hold a contest of who at the court had the mightiest "weapon". Thefirst knight stood up and proclaimed that he had the mightiest weapon... he pulled down hispants and tied a 5 pound weight around it. The weapon doth rose. The crowds cheered... thewomen swooned... the children waved multi-colored banners... and the band played appropriatemusic. Another knight stood up and yelled that he had the mightiest weapon. He dropped his pantsand tied a 10 pound weight to himself. The weapon doth rose. The crowds cheered... thewomen swooned... the children waved multi-colored banners... and the band playedappropriate music. After several more knights tried to prove their superiority... the King finally spoke out."I have the mightiest weapon of them all!" He dropped his pants and tied, not a 10 pound, not a 20 pound, not ever a thirty pound, but a 40 pound weight to more...