I went out on the piss last night and pulled a georgeous bird.
We made love several times before falling asleep in each others arms.
When I woke up though I had the shock of my life.
She'd put on 60 pounds during the night.
Ya mama so fat the only thing stopping her from going to Jenny Craig is the door.
You mamma is soo fat she sat on a rainbow and skittles popped out!
I was chatting up a girl last night. I said, "Is your dad a thief?"
She said, "Why, because he stole the stars and put them in my eyes?"
I said, "No, because you're a scouser."
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her more...