Twelfth Jokes

A Polish woman became pregnant with her twelfth child. A friend asked," Don`t you use some sort of prevention?" "Sure" the pregnant woman said. "I use a diaphragm, in fact, I use it so often I keep it tacked up on the headboard of the bed."

1. In kindergarten your idea of a good friend was the person who let you have the red crayon when all that was left was the ugly black one.
2. In first grade your idea of a good friend was the person who went to the bathroom with you and held your hand as you walked through the scary halls.
3. In second grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you stand up to the class bully.
4. In third grade your idea of a good friend was the person who shared their lunch with you when you forgot yours on the bus.
5. In fourth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who was willing to switch square dancing partners in gym so you wouldn't have to be stuck do-si-do-ing with Nasty Nicky or Smelly Susan.
6. In fifth grade your idea of a friend was the person who saved a seat on the back of the bus for you.
7. In sixth grade your idea of a friend was the person who went up to Nick or Susan, your new crush, and asked them to dance with you, so that more...

This was told to me by Father George Alderson, of the RCC.
There was a nun doing charity work in a large metropolitan hospital.
As she was walking by the nursery, she encountered a man looking through
the window at a newborn.
"Is that your child?" said the nun.
"Why, yes, it is sister. She was born this morning," said the man.
"Are you Catholic, young man?"
"Yes, sister."
"How many children do you have?"
"This is our twelfth child. We are hoping for more."
"Your twelfth child! How magnificent. God has truly blessed you. I shall
remember you in my prayers."
"Thank you sister," said the man.
Later that same day, the nun encountered another man at the nursery.
"Is that your child, young man."
"Yes, sister, it is. I am very proud of her."
"Are you Catholic, young man?"
"No sister, I am more...

During the Sui Dynasty (581-618), there lived a clever man who spoke with a slight stutter. Whenever the Minister Yang Su felt bored and listless, he would invite this man over to have a chat. One evening toward the close of the year when they sat facing each other, Yang asked him more in jest than in earnest: " Supposing you find yourself in a pit ten feet deep and ten feet in circumference, how would you get out?" The man lowered his head, meditating for some time, and asked: " Is there a 1-1-ladder?" "No," replied Yang. " I wouldn't have asked you if there were a ladder." Again the man lowered his head meditating. Some time later, he inquired: " In br-br-broad daylight? Or at n-n-night?" " No need to ask whether it's in broad daylight or at night," replied Yang." The question is how would you get out." " I'm not blind," reported the man. " If it isn't after night-fall, how the hell could I fall more...