Terminology Jokes / Recent Jokes
Computer Terminology...
486: The average IQ needed to understand a PC.
State-of-the-art: Any computer you can't afford.
Obsolete: Any computer you own.
Microsecond: The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.
G3: Apple's new Macs that make you say ''Gee, three times faster than the computer I bought for the same price a Microsecond ago.''
Syntax Error: Walking into a computer store and saying, ''Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object.''
Hard Drive: The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, esp. after a Syntax Error.
GUI: What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it. (pronounced ''gooey'')
Keyboard: The standard way to generate computer errors.
Mouse: An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.
Floppy: The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.
Portable Computer: A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on more...
A Dictionary of common dating terminology
ATTRACTION
the act of associating horniness with a particular person.
LOVE AT 1st SIGHT
what occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy on people they meet.
DATING
the process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.
BIRTH CONTROL
avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a condom, and dating repulsive men.
EASY
a term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.
EYE CONTACT
a method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many woman have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her more...
Politically Correct Feminine Terminology from aperreat@saunix. sau. edu: Have you ever wanted to talk about a girl but was afraid that youwould offend the person standing near you?... NOT. Well, if you are, thenhere are some alternatives to some popular phrases. I found them on a poster, but I don't remember which one. She is not: An airheadShe is: Reality ImpairedShe is not: A Bleached BlondShe is: Peroxide DependantShe is not: A babe or chickShe is: A Breasted AmericanShe does not have: Major league hootersShe is: Pectorally SuperiorShe does not have: A Great TanShe is: Pigmentally EnhancedYou do not want to: Score or pick her upYou want to: Attempt a Horizontal EncounterShe is not: A perfect 10She is: Numerically SuperiorShe does not have: A great buttShe has: A Superior PosteriorIf she does not want to get: Married or hitchedShe does not want: Domestic IncarcerationShe is not: Half nakedShe is: Wardrobe ImpairedShe does not have: A perfect bodyShe is: Anatomically GiftedShe is more...
Don't Forget to read the "Fine Print"
PRE-RELATIONSHIP AGREEMENT:
The party of the first part (herein referred to as "she"), being of sound mind and pretty good body, agrees to the following with the party of the second part (herein referred to as "him") being of sound mind and a bit overweight body:
1) FULL DISCLOSURE: At the commencement of said relationship (colloquially referred to as the "first date"), each party agrees to fully disclose any current girl/boyfriends, dependent children, bizarre religious beliefs, phobias, fears, social diseases, strange political affiliations, or currently active relationships with anyone else that have not yet terminated. Further, each party agrees to make known any deep-seated complexes and/or fanatical obsessions with pets, careers, and/or organized sports. Failure to make these disclosures will result in the immediate termination of said relationship before it has a more...
Engineer Terminology
1. A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED - We are still pissing in the wind.
2. EXTENSIVE REPORT IS BEING PREPARED ON A FRESH APPROACH TO THE PROBLEM - We just hired three kids fresh out of college.
3. CLOSE PROJECT COORDINATION - We know who to blame.
4. MAJOR TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH - It works OK, but looks very hi-tech.
5. CUSTOMER SATISFACTION IS DELIVERED ASSURED - We are so far behind schedule the customer is happy to get it delivered.
6. PRELIMINARY OPERATIONAL TESTS WERE INCONCLUSIVE - The damn thing blew up when we threw the switch.
7. TEST RESULTS WERE EXTREMELY GRATIFYING - We are so surprised that the stupid thing works.
8. THE ENTIRE CONCEPT WILL HAVE TO BE ABANDONED - The only person who understood the thing quit.
9. IT IS IN THE PROCESS - It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is about hopeless.
10. WE WILL LOOK INTO IT - Forget it! We have enough problems for now.
11. PLEASE NOTE more...