Commencement Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Charlie Daniels is your commencement speaker.
    After the divorce you still call your Ex "Cuz".
    You have a bowling machine in your kitchen.

    During USC's commencement, the President was giving his usual address to the graduating class. While he was giving his address, some people in the back began to chant, "Graduate Bubba, graduate Bubba." After a few minutes, the chant grew so loud that the President could no longer continue with his address. He says, "Alright, I give up. Bubba, come on up here." This really huge offensive lineman comes up on stage. The President asks, "Are you Bubba?" Bubba replies quietly, "Yes sir."
    "How long have you been here at USC Bubba?"
    "Six years sir."
    "Six years and you still haven't graduated?"
    "No sir."
    "Alright Bubba, I'll tell you what. If you can answer one question correctly, I'll graduate you right here on the spot. Is that fair?"
    Bubba once again says in his quiet voice, "Yes sir." So the President then asks him, "Ok Bubba, what's nine times nine?" Bubba more...

    The party of the first part (herein referred to as "she"), being of sound mind and pretty good body, agrees to the following with the party of the second part (herein referred to as "him"):
    1. FULL DISCLOSURE: At the commencement of said relationship (colloquially referred to as the "first date"), each party agrees to fully disclose any current girl/boyfriends, dependent children, bizarre religious beliefs, phobias, fears, social diseases, strange political affiliations, or currently active relationships with anyone else that have not yet been terminated.
    Further, each party agrees to make known any deep-seated complexes and/or fanatical obsessions with pets, careers, and/or organized sports. Failure to make these disclosures will result in the immediate termination of said relationship before it has a chance to get anywhere.
    2. INDEMNIFICATION OF FRIENDS: Both parties agree to hold the person who arranged the liaison (colloquially referred more...

    Don't Forget to read the "Fine Print"

    PRE-RELATIONSHIP AGREEMENT:


    The party of the first part (herein referred to as "she"), being of sound mind and pretty good body, agrees to the following with the party of the second part (herein referred to as "him") being of sound mind and a bit overweight body:

    1) FULL DISCLOSURE: At the commencement of said relationship (colloquially referred to as the "first date"), each party agrees to fully disclose any current girl/boyfriends, dependent children, bizarre religious beliefs, phobias, fears, social diseases, strange political affiliations, or currently active relationships with anyone else that have not yet terminated. Further, each party agrees to make known any deep-seated complexes and/or fanatical obsessions with pets, careers, and/or organized sports. Failure to make these disclosures will result in the immediate termination of said relationship before it has a more...

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