Steve Jokes / Recent Jokes
Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide to go on a picnic. Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches. The trouble is, the picnic site is 10 miles away, so the turtles take 10 whole days to get there.
By the time they do arrive, everyone's whipped and hungry. Joe takes the stuff out of the basket, one by one. He takes out the sodas and realizes that they forgot to bring a bottle opener. Joe & Steve beg Poncho to turn back home and retrieve it, but Poncho flatly refuses, knowing that they'll eat everything by the time he gets back.
Somehow, after about two hours, the turtles manage to convince Poncho to go, swearing on their great-grand turtles' graves that they won't touch the food. So, Poncho sets off down the road, slow and steady.
Twenty days pass, but no Poncho. Joe and Steve are hungry and puzzled, but a promise is a promise. Another day passes, and still no Poncho, but a promise is a promise. After three more days pass without more...
"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated."
"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.
"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I
want to have it done" replies Steve.
"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!"
"I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind. Either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor."
"Well, OK.", says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!"
So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking
very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip
stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking
exactly the same way.
"Hi there," says Steve,"It looks as if you've just more...
Bob, Bill and Steve were attending a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top floor of a 75-story skyscraper.
After a long day of meetings, they were upset to hear that the hotel elevators were broken and they would have to climb the 75 flights of stairs to reach their room.
Bob said, "Let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25 flights, Bill can sing songs for the next 25 flights and Steve can tell sad stories for the rest of the way."
At the 26th floor, Bob stopped telling jokes and Bill began to sing. At the 51st floor, Bill stopped singing and Steve began to tell sad stories.
"I'll tell my saddest story first," Steve said. "I left the room key in the car!!"
Steve and his wife were watching the idiot box when an ad for one of the local ambulance chasers came on. The guy made all kinds of claims about the size of awards he could get his clients.Steve turned to his wife and said, “How can these guys look at themselves in the mirror?”Without missing a beat she replied, “Easy. They don't cast a reflection.”
Steve, a liquor salesman, encountered his friend Ed in a local bar at midday while making a sales call. He stopped to chat.
"I'm surprised to see you with a drink in your hand in the middle of the day. I hope you're celebrating," said Steve.
"In a way," answered Ed. "I put all my money on a sure thing at the track. It was the seventh horse in the seventh race, today is the seventh day of the seventh month as well as my son's seventh birthday, the horse's name was Septus and the odds were seven to one."
"And the horse came in first!" exclaimed Steve. "No, he came in seventh!" cried Ed.
Steve wrote home. Im glad you named me Steve, he said in the letter. Why? asked his mother in her reply. Because thats what all the kids at camp call me, he wrote back.