Sources Jokes / Recent Jokes

The American Civil Liberties Union announced today that it was bringing a lawsuit against Santa Claus for violations of the civil rights of children. An ACLU spokesman, Mr. E. Scrooge stated that, "Mr. Claus has been violating children's right to privacy and has been putting that information in a vast database. The information is then used by the law enforcement arm of Mr. Claus' organization to determine which children are considered naughty or nice. It is obvious Mr. Claus has violated the children's rights, as we have alleged in our suit, because of the memos and other company information we have obtained. In addition, we believe Mr. Claus has been engaging in mind control experiments designed to prevent the free expression of beliefs."
Among the documents presented to the courts today was a memo in which reads, in part:
You better watch out.
You better not cry.
You better not pout.
I'm telling you why.
Santa Claus is coming to town.
He sees more...

- A collaborative effort written over lunch
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This past weekend, President Clinton was visiting the
Hamptons, New York's tony beach resort -- where the rich and
famous have there summer homes -- for several Democratic party
fund raisers which were hosted by well known celebrities such
as Kim Bassinger as well as by some of Wall Street's biggest
financiers.
During his stay in the Hamptons, President Clinton was invited
to stay at the Georgica Pond Estate of Steven Spielberg, the
most famous producer of the past 20 years.
It has been learned from inside sources close to the
president, that after all of the parties were over,
Bill and Steve retired to the library and discussed some
possible remakes of films to reflect modern times.
While many names are still being kept quiet, our sources have
indicated that the following titles will be remade during more...

Seen in the latest copy of Windows Sources Magazine
Reprinted without their permission.
To: Windows R & D
From: Bill Gates
Re: Lack of progress in extending Windows interface to noncomputer environments
I am quite concerned about your recent report detailing what you call problems in extending the Windows interface to products other than computers. The growth of Microsoft is dependent on our ability to extend Windows to every aspect of business, home, and society. After all, we all own MS stock, and if you want to become a billionaire, too, you will, I'm sure, learn to minimize the effects of what others call reality and laws of physics. Here's some feedback on the first wave of Windows-ready products.
WINDOWS TOASTER:
This is one of the few products on which we have any agreement. You agree that tapping on a minimize arrow will lower the bread into the toaster and that tapping a maximize arrow will make the slices pop out again. But you complain that you more...

I would like to see more sri lankan jokes and not jokes which are copied from other sources. There should be originality, if not this section can be boring. I am sure we in srilanka have a lot of good jokes. We should perk it up one notch. Thankyou for the good jokes that were not copied from other sources. As most of us have access to internet we can browse through on our own to read other jokes which appear on the internet.

Compiled by Harold Reynolds and updated on December 6, 1994

1. Introduction

The following is a manual of guidelines for the busy cat(s) who will have a house to manage after adopting one or more humans. It is, of course, impossible to cover all possible situations, as those humans are always up to some sort of mischief, but the compiler and contributors to this guide have endeavoured to cover as wide a variety of topics as possible. It is important that this document be kept out of the hands of humans, who will undoubtedly find a way to use it to their advantage.

2. Food

In order to get the energy to sleep, play, and hamper, a cat must eat. Eating, however, is only half the fun. The other half is getting the food. Cats have two ways to obtain food: convincing a human you are starving to death and must be fed now; and hunting for it oneself. The following are some guidelines for getting fed.

a) When the humans are eating, make sure more...