Sources Jokes

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    The American Civil Liberties Union announced today that it was bringing a lawsuit against Santa Claus for violations of the civil rights of children. An ACLU spokesman, Mr. E. Scrooge stated that, "Mr. Claus has been violating children's right to privacy and has been putting that information in a vast database. The information is then used by the law enforcement arm of Mr. Claus' organization to determine which children are considered naughty or nice. It is obvious Mr. Claus has violated the children's rights, as we have alleged in our suit, because of the memos and other company information we have obtained. In addition, we believe Mr. Claus has been engaging in mind control experiments designed to prevent the free expression of beliefs."
    Among the documents presented to the courts today was a memo in which reads, in part:
    You better watch out.
    You better not cry.
    You better not pout.
    I'm telling you why.
    Santa Claus is coming to town.
    He sees more...

    Never write a line of code that someone else can understand.
    Make the simplest line of code appear complex. Use long
    counter intuitive names. Don't ever code "a=b", rather do something
    like:
    AlphaNodeSemaphore=*(int)(&(unsigned long)(BetaFrameNodeFarm));
    Type fast, think slow.
    Never use direct references to anything ever. Bury everything in
    macros. Bury the macros in include files. Reference those include
    files indirectly from other include files. Use macros to reference
    those include files.
    Never include a comment that will help someone else understand your
    code. If they understand it, they don't need you.
    Never generate new sources. Always ifdef the old ones. Every binary
    in the world should be generated from the same sources.
    Never archive all the sources necessary to build a binary. Always
    hide on your own disk. If they can build your binary, they don't
    need you.
    Never code a function to return a value. more...

    Seen in the latest copy of Windows Sources Magazine
    Reprinted without their permission.
    To: Windows R & D
    From: Bill Gates
    Re: Lack of progress in extending Windows interface to noncomputer environments
    I am quite concerned about your recent report detailing what you call problems in extending the Windows interface to products other than computers. The growth of Microsoft is dependent on our ability to extend Windows to every aspect of business, home, and society. After all, we all own MS stock, and if you want to become a billionaire, too, you will, I'm sure, learn to minimize the effects of what others call reality and laws of physics. Here's some feedback on the first wave of Windows-ready products.
    WINDOWS TOASTER:
    This is one of the few products on which we have any agreement. You agree that tapping on a minimize arrow will lower the bread into the toaster and that tapping a maximize arrow will make the slices pop out again. But you complain that you more...

    I would like to see more sri lankan jokes and not jokes which are copied from other sources. There should be originality, if not this section can be boring. I am sure we in srilanka have a lot of good jokes. We should perk it up one notch. Thankyou for the good jokes that were not copied from other sources. As most of us have access to internet we can browse through on our own to read other jokes which appear on the internet.

    - A collaborative effort written over lunch
    -------------------------------------------------------
    This past weekend, President Clinton was visiting the
    Hamptons, New York's tony beach resort -- where the rich and
    famous have there summer homes -- for several Democratic party
    fund raisers which were hosted by well known celebrities such
    as Kim Bassinger as well as by some of Wall Street's biggest
    financiers.
    During his stay in the Hamptons, President Clinton was invited
    to stay at the Georgica Pond Estate of Steven Spielberg, the
    most famous producer of the past 20 years.
    It has been learned from inside sources close to the
    president, that after all of the parties were over,
    Bill and Steve retired to the library and discussed some
    possible remakes of films to reflect modern times.
    While many names are still being kept quiet, our sources have
    indicated that the following titles will be remade during more...

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