Sin Jokes / Recent Jokes
A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldnt know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and hed stay with him for a little bit and show him what to do. The rabbi comes, and he and the priest are in the confessional. In a few minutes, a woman comes in and says, Father, forgive me for I have sinned. The priest asks, What did you do? The woman says, I committed adultery. The priest says, How many times? And the woman replies, Three. Priest: Say two Hail Marys, put $5 in the box, and go and sin no more. A few minutes later a man enters the confessional. He says, Father forgive me for I have sinned. What did you do? I committed adultery. r How many times? Three times. The priest says, Say two Hail Marys, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more. The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks hes got it, so the priest more...
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
I feel shame Then I look into the glass and think
about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
and dreams. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy
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"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
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"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead more...
Beer and the quotes it has helped create over the years...
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the
morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
--Frank Sinatra
The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.
--William Butler Yeats
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
--Ernest Hemingway
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
--Ernest Hemingway
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
--Dean Martin
Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it.
--Anonymous
No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or as good as drink.
--G. K. Chesterton
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
--Catherine Zandonella
Abstainer: a weak person who more...
A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he'd stay with him for a little bit and show him what to do. The rabbi comes, and he and the priest are in the confessional. In a few minutes, a woman comes in and says,' Father, forgive me for I have sinned.' The priest asks,' What did you do?' The woman says,' I committed adultery.' The priest says,' How many times?' And the woman replies,' Three.' Priest:' Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box, and go and sin no more.' A few minutes later a man enters the confessional. He says,' Father forgive me for I have sinned.'' What did you do?' I committed adultery.' r' How many times?'' Three times.' The priest says,' Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more.' The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he's more...
A Priest gets a call from one of his golfing buddies on a Saturday afternoon. "We've got a tee time at 3: 00 and need a fourth... can you make it?" Sadly the priest tells his friend that he has to hear confessions and cannot make it. His friend urges him to get a substitute. Well, being the only priest in this parish, he hasn't many choices. As he ponders his dilemma, he sees the custodian cleaning the church." Hey, Joe... can you help me out??" He explains his dilemma and asks Joe if he would hear confessions for him." Oh, no I wouldn't have any idea what to do!!"." Joe, don't worry... I have this card, you see. When someone confesses their sin, you look on the card... find the sin... and follow it over to the appropriate penance... it's that simple... here comes the first penetant... try it!!"So Joe goes into the confessional and the first penetant comes in and kneels before the screen..."Bless me Father... I have sinned... I have had more...
Santa Joined The Priest And Then Followed Him Into The Confessional. A Few Minutes Later A Woman Came In And Said "Father, Forgive Me For I Have Sinned"
Priest: "What Did You Do?"
Woman: " I Committed Adultery"
Priest: "How Many Times?"
Woman: "Three Times"
Priest: "Say Two Hail Marys, Put $ 5. 00 In The Charity Box, And Sin No More"
A Few Minutes Later A Man Entered The Confessional. He Said
"Father, Forgive Me For I Have Sinned"
Priest: "What Did You Do?"
Man: "I Committed Adultery"
Priest: "How Many Times?"
Man: "Three Times"
Priest: "Say Two Hail Marys, Put $ 5. 00 In The Charity Box, And Sin No More"
Santa, A Quick Learner, Told The Priest That He Understood The Job And The Priest Could Leave.
Santa more...
A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven. At the pearly gate he was asked by the gatekeeper:' Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret?'' Yes,' the professor ansvered.' When I was a young candidate at the hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against at team from the Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the referee did not se it so, and the goal won us the match. I regret that now.'' Well,' said the gatekeeper.' That is a very minor sin. You may enter.'' Thank you very much, Saint Peter,' the professor ansvered.' Im am not Saint Peter,' said the gatekeeper.' He is having his lunchbreak. I am Saint Lucas.'