Few Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Good girls and bad

    Hot 1 year ago

    Good girls loosen a few buttons when its hot
    Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons

    Good girls wax their floors
    Bad girls wax their bikini line

    Good girls blush during sex scenes in movies
    Bad girls know they could do it better

    Good girls wear white cotton panties
    Bad girls don't wear any

    Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls
    Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls

    Good girls pack their toothbrush
    Bad girls pack their diaphragms

    Good girls own only one credit card and rarely use it
    Bad girls own only one bra and rarely use it

    Good girls wear high heels to work
    Bad girls wear high heels to bed

    Good girls think the office is the wrong place to have a romance
    Bad girls think no place is the wrong place

    Good girls prefer the missionary position
    Bad girls do too, but only for more...

    What is the value of a kind word?
    In January of 1986 I was flipping through the channels on TV and saw the closing credits for a PBS show called "Funny Business," a show about cartooning. I had always wanted to be a cartoonist but never knew how to go about it. I wrote to the host of the show, cartoonist Jack Cassady, and asked his advice on entering the profession.
    A few weeks later I got an encouraging handwritten letter from Jack, answering all of my specific questions about materials and process. He

    went on to warn me about the likelihood of being rejected at first, advising me not to get discouraged if that happened. He said the cartoon samples I sent him were good and worthy of publication.
    I got very excited, finally understanding how the whole process worked. I submitted my best cartoons to Playboy and New Yorker. The magazines quickly rejected me with cold little photocopied form letter. Discouraged, I put my art supplies in the closet and more...

    Some of these are EXTREMELY offensive. Women who are sensitive
    should
    probably skip this. Why women!? Any FCP or men too!!

    ----------

    1. What's the difference between a pussy and a cunt? A pussy is warm
    and moist. A cunt is what owns it.

    2. What's a clitoris? A female hood ornament.

    3. What's the only bad thing about the 69 position? The view.

    4. Why do men fart more than women? Because women won't shut up long
    enough to build up pressure.

    5. Why did cave men drag their women around by the hair? Because if
    you drag them around by the feet they fill up with dirt.

    6. Why did god give men penises? So we'd always have at least one
    way to shut a woman up!

    7. What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick? You
    don't have to beg a woman to blow your paycheck.

    8. How is a woman like a laxative? They both irritate the shit out of you.

    9. more...

    Pathan has a Pass

    Hot 6 years ago

    One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops - a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well. At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a Pathan got on. Six feet four, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the conductor and said, "Pathan doesn`t pay!" and sat down at the back. Conductor didn`t argue with Pathan, but he wasn`t happy about it. The next day the same thing happened? Pathan got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the next. This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Pathan was taking advantage of poor conductor. Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff. By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what`s more, he felt really good about himself. So, on the next Monday, when more...

    Where are we going?

    Hot 1 year ago

    An American man, a Russian man, and an African man were all up in a hot-air balloon together. After a few minutes, the Russian man put his hand down through the clouds. "Aaah!" he said. "We're right over my homeland."

    "How can you tell?" asked the American.

    "I can feel the cold air." he replied.

    A few hours later the African man put his hand through the clouds. "Aah we're right over my homeland." he said.

    "How do you know that?" asked the Russian. "I can feel the heat of the desert."

    Several more hours later the American put his hand through the clouds. "Aah, we're right over New York."

    The Russian and the African were amazed. "How do you know all of that?" they exclaimed.

    The American pulled his hand up. "My watch is missing."

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