Shepherd Jokes / Recent Jokes

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A bloke is driving around in his Porsche in the English countryside. He stops outside a field full of sheep, walks up to the shepherd and says, "I've got an offer. I'll guess how many sheep you've got in this field, and if I guess right, I get to take a sheep with me. If I guess wrong, you get my car."The shepherd thinks he's on to a sure thing and agrees. "137" says the driver."Damn me, you're right," says the shepherd and dutifully hands over a sheep.The man walks away, stuffs the sheep in his car and is about to drive away when the shepherd knocks on his window. "I've got a proposal for you." says the shepherd. "If I can guess what you do for a living, I get to take your car. If I'm wrong, you can have all my sheep.""Done," says the driver."You're a consultant," says the shepherd."Bloody hell! How did you guess?""Easy. You come in here uninvited, you tell me what I already know, and then you charge more...

A German shepherd went to a Western Union office, took out ablank form and wrote, "Woof..woof..woof..woof..woof..woof..woof..woof...woof."The clerk examined the paper and told the dog, "There areonly nine words here. You could send another 'woof' for thesame price."The dog replied "What, and ruin the punchline?!"

A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. Stopping to rest, he tells the shepherd, "I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock."The shepherd thinks it over. It's a big flock, so he takes the bet.The man looks around and answers, "869." The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right.The shepherd says, "Okay, I'm a man of my word, take an animal." The man picks one up and begins to walk away."Wait," cries the shepherd, "let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation." The man agrees."You are an accountant for the government," says the shepherd."Amazing!" responds the man. "You are exactly right! But tell me, how did you deduce that?""Well," says the shepherd, "put down my dog and I will tell you."

Having grown tired of people assuming she was dumb because of her blonde hair, Sue decided to have it dyed brown. Leaving the hairdresser's feeling very good about herself she decided to take a drive in the country. She saw a shepherd with his sheep and decided this was the perfect opportunity to test out her new look. Parking her car, she got out and approached the shepherd.
"May I have one of your sheep as a reward if I can correctly guess how many you have?" she asked.
Thinking she could never possibly guess the exact number, he agreed. Much to his surprise, Sue guessed 95, the exact number of sheep in his flock.
Winning the bet and feeling very proud of herself, Sue picked up her reward and was heading back to her car when she felt the shepherd tap her on the shoulder.
"Pardon me," the shepherd said, "but if I can guess your natural hair color, do you think I could have my dog back?"

How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb?
1. Golden Retriever:
The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us,
and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
2. Border Collie:
Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
3. Dachshund:
You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
4. Rottweiler:
Make me.
5. Boxer:
Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
6. Lab:
Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I?
Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
7. German Shepherd:
I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make
sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see
that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
8. Jack Russell Terrier:
I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
9. Old more...

Man with a German Shepherd dog goes into a bar and sits down at
the counter. Bartender says, "You can't bring that dog in here!"
Man says, "But this is a Seeing Eye dog!" Bartender says "Well, OK,
then I guess it can stay."
After a while, the man and the German Shepherd get up to leave. As
they're going out the door, another man with a Chihuahua is coming
in. First man says, "The bartender won't like you bringing that dog
in here, but just tell him it's a Seeing Eye dog and then it'll be
OK." Second man looks dubiously at his tiny Chihuahua, thinks
a fews seconds, then thanks the first man and goes on in.
Bartender says, "Hey! You can't bring that Chihuahua in here!" Man
stares straight ahead and exclaims "What! They sold me a Chihuahua?!"