Shepherd Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The Shepherd...

    Hot 3 years ago

    A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand new Jeep Cherokee advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and a YSL tie leaned out of the window and asked our shepherd: "If I can tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"
    The shepherd looks at the yuppie, then at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers, "Sure!"
    The yuppie parks the car, whips out his notebook, connects it to a cell-phone, surfs to a NASA page on the Internet where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system, scans the area, opens up a database and some 60 Excel spreadsheets with complex formulas. Finally he prints out a 150 page report on his hi-tech miniaturized printer, turns round to our shepherd and says: "You have here exactly 1586 sheep!"
    "This is correct. As agreed, you can take one of the sheep," says the more...

    The bitter winter was almost over when one shepherd confessed to the other that he could hardly wait until it was time to shear their flock. The other shepherd nodded, rubbing his hands togather in anticipation.
    "It will be great selling the wool and spending money on wine and women, eh?"
    "That's not it," his friend said. "I just can't WAIT to see them naked!"

    There's these three dogs sitting at a bar, a Chihuahua golden retriever, and a shepherd.

    A girl dog walks in, and said "The person who can use liver and cheese in a sentence I will marry."

    The golden retriever goes first. "I don't like liver and cheese."

    "Not clever enough."

    Then the shepherd goes next. "I like liver and cheese."

    "Not clever enough."

    Now the Chihuahua, "Liver her alone cheese mine!"

    by: larise

    The Suicidal Goat

    Hot 5 years ago

    A guy who was tired with life in the big city decided to take a vacation and go to the mountain, so he rented a chalet in the wilderness.
    One day, as he was strolling, he got to the edge of a precipice. He carefully looked down and backed quickly, amazed: "gee, is this deep!". He took a pebble and threw it in, to see how long it takes until it gets down. It took a while, so he thought "that's really deep"; then he found a big stone and tossed it, and when it hit the ground with an almost inaudible sound he reckoned "this is what I call deep". Having nothing else to do, he started to look around a found a large piece of rail. He strained a while, as it was pretty heavy, rusted and muddy, but he managed to push it over the cliff, and after some time, when he heard it hitting the ground with abig blast, he reasoned: "now that's something!".
    He had just seated himself to rest and start meditating at the abyssal dimensions, when he saw a more...

    Jesus said: "Love thy neighbor." (Matthew 22:39)
    Elvis said: "Don't be cruel." (RCA, 1956)
    Jesus is the Lord's shepherd.
    Elvis dated Cybill Shepherd.
    Jesus was part of the Trinity.
    Elvis' first band was a trio.
    Jesus walked on water. (Matthew 14:25)
    Elvis surfed. (Blue Hawaii, Paramount, 1965)
    Jesus' entourage, the Apostles, had 12 members.
    Elvis' entourage, the Memphis Mafia, had 12 members.
    Jesus was resurrected.
    Elvis had the famous 1968 "comeback" TV special.
    Jesus said, "If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink." (John 7:37)
    Elvis said, "Drinks on me!" (Jailhouse Rock, MGM, 1957)
    Jesus fasted for 40 days and nights.
    Elvis had irregular eating habits. (e.g. 5 banana splits for breakfast)
    Jesus is a Capricorn. (December 25)
    Elvis is a Capricorn. (January 8)
    Matthew was one of Jesus' many biographers. (The Gospel According to Matthew)
    Neil Matthews more...

  • Recent Activity