Schoolyard Jokes / Recent Jokes
The seven dwarfs woke up one day and they were all excited because they got to go see the Pope that day.
So they got to the Vatican and pushed Dopey up to the pope and said, "Ask him, ask him!" Dopey asked, "Pope, are there any nuns in Alaska?" and the Pope said, "Ya there are some nuns there!" but Bashful stood and said, "No, ask him the real question!"
So Dopey asked the Pope, "Are there any black nuns in Alaska?" And the Pope said, "Yes, there are some black nuns in Alaska!" but Doc jumped up and said, "Ask him the real question before you get 6 ass whoopings!"
So Dopey asked the Pope, "Are there any black, midget nuns in Alaska?" and the Pope thought, and the Pope thought, and he said, "No, Dopey I'm sorry there aren't!"
Dopey turned the other way looking very disappointed to see the other 6 dwarfs dancing and singing childishly saying, "Dopey more...
Q) Did you hear that 2 antennae got married?
A) The ceremony wasn't much, but the RECEPTION was great.
Q) How did the telephones get married?
A) In a double ring ceremony!
Q) What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
A) Cliff!
Q) Where do Eskimos keep their money?
A) Snow banks!
Q) What gets wetter as it dries?
A) A towel!
Q) What lies on the ground one hundred feet in the air?
A) A sunbathing centipede.
One night a little girl was having a bad dream so she goes into her dads room and climbs in.
She wakes up her dad-who is sleeping in the nude-and says "Daddy whats that?" And he said o thats Georgie." And falls back asleep.
The next morning he wakes up in the hospital with his daughter next to him and he asks "What happened?" And the girl answers "Georgie spit at me so I cut off his head."
One day a young just married couple were driving in their audi TT. Their names were Harder (male) and Fuck Me (female).
Harder and Fuck me needed some cash, so they stopped at a local bank. Harder
ran in to the ATM while Fuck Me waited in the car.
A strange man with an obvious giant boner walks up to the window and says "Hi, whats your name?" and she answers "Fuck Me". So he says "Ok" and gets in the car and screws her.
She starts screaming "Harder Harder Harder!!!" And then he says "Lady I can't fuck that hard!"
-Jessica
One day, Little Susie got her monthly bleeding for the first time in her life. Not quite certain what was happening, and somewhat frightened, she decided to tell Little Johnny. Little Susie dropped her panties and showed Little Johnny what was happening.
Little Johnny's eyes opened wide in amazement. "You know," he said, "I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"
Mummy and Daddy are in the bath with their children, a little boy and a little girl (perverted family I know!!) when the little girl points to her mother's lower regions and says' Mummy, what is that down there?', to which her mother replies' That is my multi-story car park, you have a garage'. Satisfied the little girl continues playing with her ducks.
A little while later the little boy looks at his father and says' Daddy, what is that bobbing about in the water?' to which his father replies' That is my Rolls Royce, you have a Mini'. Satisfied the little boy carries on splashing his sister. The adults get out and go down stairs.
Five minutes later they here this terrible screaming coming from the bath room. When they get there, the little boy is screaming his head off and there is blood everywhere.
The mum looks at her daughter and asks what happened to which the little girl calmly replies,' he tried to put his mini in my garage so I ripped his back more...
Once upon a time, there was a mouse family that lived in a bathroom. One day, the youngest mouse went out to get some cheese. His mother and father decided to stay in the bathroom.
The mouse returned almost an hour later. His parents asked him what took so long. The mouse said, "Well first, I accidentaly fell into a lake. Then there was rain followed by thunder. I would have died if it hadn't been for a brown log that was floating around!"