Mommy Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A little girl and her mother were shopping. The girl asks her mother "How old are you?" Mommy says "Honey, women don't talk about their age, you'll learn later on in life."
    The girl then asks, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?" Mommy says, That's another thing women don't talk about, you'll find out when you are grown up."
    The girl still wanting to know about her mother asks, "Mommy, why did you and daddy get a divorce?" Mommy says, "Honey, that is a subject that hurt me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."
    The little girl is frustrated. She tells her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation. The girlfriend says, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's drivers license. It's just like a report card, it tells you everything."
    The little girl and her mother are shopping again. The girl says, "Mommy, I know how old you are. You are 32 years old." Her mommy is very more...

    Little Lucy went out into the garden and saw her cat Tiddles lying on the ground with its eyes shut and its legs in the air. She fetched her Dad to look at Tiddles, and on seeing the cat he said, as gently as he could, "I'm afraid Tiddles is dead, Lucy"."So why are his legs sticking up in the air like that, Daddy?" asked Lucy as she fought back the tears.At a loss for something to say the father replied, "Tiddles' legs are pointing straight up in the air so that it will be easier for Jesus to float down from heaven above and grab a leg and lift Tiddles up to heaven".Little Lucy seemed to take her Tiddles death quite well. However, two days later when her father came home from work Lucy had tears in her eyes and said: "Mommy almost died this morning".Fearing something terrible had happened the father shook the girl and shouted, "How do you mean Lucy? Tell Daddy!""Well", mumbled Lucy, "soon after you left for work this more...

    Little Lucy went out into the garden and saw her cat Tiddles lying on the ground with its eyes shut and its legs in the air. She fetched her Dad to look at Tiddles, and on seeing the cat he said, as gently as he could, "I'm afraid Tiddles is dead, Lucy."
    "So why are his legs sticking up in the air like that, Daddy?" asked Lucy as she fought back the tears.
    At a loss for something to say the father replied, Tiddles' legs are pointing straight up in the air so that it will be easier for Jesus to float down from heaven above and grab a leg and lift Tiddles up to heaven."
    Little Lucy seemed to take her Tiddles' death quite well.
    However two days later when her father came home from work Lucy had tears in her eyes and said, Mommy almost died this morning."
    Fearing something terrible had happen, the father shook the girl and shouted, "How do you mean, Lucy? Tell Daddy!"
    "Well, mumbled Lucy, "Soon after you left for more...

    At the zoo a little girl sees two monkeys having sex. Her mom hurriedly explains, "Oh...they're just baking cakes."
    The next morning the little girl says, "Mommy, Mommy, you and Daddy baked cakes last night!"
    "Um, what makes you think that?" the mother asks nervously.
    "Because this morning there was icing all over the couch."

    Because I'm Blonde?

    Hot 1 year ago

    A girl came skipping home from school one day.
    "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"
    "Very good," said her mother.
    "Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl said.
    "Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy.
    The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy,"
    she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!"
    "Very good," said her mother.
    "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
    "Yes, it's because you're blonde."
    The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy,"
    she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she more...

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