Mommy Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The Cat And the Milkman

    Hot 6 months ago

    Little Lucy went out into the garden and saw her cat Tiddles lying on the ground with its eyes shut and its legs in the air. She fetched her Dad to look at Tiddles, and on seeing the cat he said, as gently as he could, "I'm afraid Tiddles is dead, Lucy"."So why are his legs sticking up in the air like that, Daddy?" asked Lucy as she fought back the tears.At a loss for something to say the father replied, "Tiddles' legs are pointing straight up in the air so that it will be easier for Jesus to float down from heaven above and grab a leg and lift Tiddles up to heaven".Little Lucy seemed to take her Tiddles death quite well. However, two days later when her father came home from work Lucy had tears in her eyes and said: "Mommy almost died this morning".Fearing something terrible had happened the father shook the girl and shouted, "How do you mean Lucy? Tell Daddy!""Well", mumbled Lucy, "soon after you left for work this more...

    Little Girl's Questions

    Hot 5 months ago

    A little girl and her mother were shopping. The girl asks her mother "How old are you?" Mommy says "Honey, women don't talk about their age, you'll learn later on in life."
    The girl then asks, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?" Mommy says, That's another thing women don't talk about, you'll find out when you are grown up."
    The girl still wanting to know about her mother asks, "Mommy, why did you and daddy get a divorce?" Mommy says, "Honey, that is a subject that hurt me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."
    The little girl is frustrated. She tells her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation. The girlfriend says, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's drivers license. It's just like a report card, it tells you everything."
    The little girl and her mother are shopping again. The girl says, "Mommy, I know how old you are. You are 32 years old." Her mommy is very more...

    Going To Heaven

    Hot 1 year ago

    Little Lucy went out into the garden and saw her cat Tiddles lying on the ground with its eyes shut and its legs in the air. She fetched her Dad to look at Tiddles, and on seeing the cat he said, as gently as he could, "I'm afraid Tiddles is dead, Lucy."
    "So why are his legs sticking up in the air like that, Daddy?" asked Lucy as she fought back the tears.
    At a loss for something to say the father replied, Tiddles' legs are pointing straight up in the air so that it will be easier for Jesus to float down from heaven above and grab a leg and lift Tiddles up to heaven."
    Little Lucy seemed to take her Tiddles' death quite well.
    However two days later when her father came home from work Lucy had tears in her eyes and said, Mommy almost died this morning."
    Fearing something terrible had happen, the father shook the girl and shouted, "How do you mean, Lucy? Tell Daddy!"
    "Well, mumbled Lucy, "Soon after you left for more...

    Bad day...

    Hot 2 years ago

    A guy was listening to his kid say his nightly prayers.
    The kid says, "Goodnight mommy, daddy, grandpa, and goodbye grandma."
    The next day the grandma dies. The guy thinks this is really weird.
    That night, the kid says "Good-
    night mommy, daddy, and goodbye grandpa" The next day the grandpa dies.
    The father thinks this is really weird. That night the kid says, "Goodnight mommy, and goodbye daddy."
    The father freaks. He's thinking I'm gonna die. So the next day he goes to work really slowly and carefully, and is nice to everyone at work.
    At the end of the day, he drives home really carefully and collapses into a chair.
    He says," Honey, can you get me a cup of coffee? I've had a really bad day." She says "YOU'VE had a bad day! I found the mailman dead on the doorstep!"

    Equal?

    Hot 2 years ago

    "Equal" is not always synonymous with "the same." Men and women are created equal; but boys and girls are not born the same.
    1. You throw a little girl a ball, and it will hit her in the nose. You throw a little boy a ball, and he will try to catch it. Then it will hit him in the nose.
    2. You dress your little girl in her Easter Sunday best, and she'll look just as pretty when you finally make it to church an hour later. You dress a boy in his Easter Sunday best, and he'll somehow find every mud puddle from your
    home to the church, even if you're driving there.
    3. Boys' rooms are usually messy. Girls' rooms are usually messy, except it's a good smelling mess.
    4. A baby girl will pick up a stick and look in wonderment at what nature has made. A baby boy will pick up a stick and turn it into a gun.
    5. When girls play with Barbie and Ken dolls, they like to dress them up and play house with them. When boys play with Barbie and Ken dolls, they more...

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