Santa Banta Jokes / Recent Jokes

Banta is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey.
Santa happens to come into the bar and sees him.
"Banta," says the shocked Santa, "what are you doing? I`ve known you for over fifteen years, and I`ve never seen you take a drink before. What`s going on?"
Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, Banta replies, "My wife just ran off with my best friend."
He then throws back another shot of whisky in one gulp.
"But," says Santa man, "I`m your best friend!"
Banta turns to Santa, looks at him through bloodshot eyes, smiles, and then slurs, "Not anymore! He is!"

The homeowner was delighted with the way Santa had done all the paintwork on his house.
"You did a great job," he said as he handed Santa his fees. "Also, in order to thank-you, here`s an extra 500 bucks to take the wife out to dinner and a movie."
Santa declined, saying, "No, I can`t accept that."
"I insist," said the man. "It would make me very happy if you do it."
"Well," said Santa reluctantly, but with appreciation, "If you really don`t mind it, I`ll do it."
Later that night, the doorbell rang and it was Santa, standing there in clean clothes, holding a bouquet of flowers.
Thinking that Santa had forgotten something he asked, "What`s the matter, did you leave something behind?"
"Nope," replied Santa. "I`m just here to take the wife out to dinner and a movie like you asked."

Santa and Banta were hiking in the woods when Santa is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. "I`ll go into town for a doctor," Banta says. He runs 10 miles to a small town and finds the town`s only doctor, who is busy delivering a baby. "I can`t leave," the doctor says. "But here`s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little `x` where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground." Banta runs back to his friend, who is in agony. "What did the doctor say?" Santa asks. "He says you`re gonna die."

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50. 00, which seemed awfully cheap.
"Why so little," she asked the pet storeowner.
The owner looked at her seriously and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff." The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird`s cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then found it kind of amusing.
When her two teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them enter and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation more...

Banta Singh happened to be in a queue at a railway
station ticket counter with two men ahead of him.
Ek Punjab Mail dena.` demanded the man in front.
He was given a ticket.
`Ek Punjab Mail dena.` the second man asked and was
handed a ticket.
Then came the turn of Banta Singh,
`Ek Punjab female dena!`
`What do u mean by Punjab female?` asked the clerk.
`It is for my wife` replied Banta Singh.

A man once spent days looking for his new hat. Finally, he decided that he`d go to church on Sunday and sit at the back. During the service he would sneak out and grab a hat from the rack at the front door.
On Sunday, he went to church and sat at the back. The sermon was about the 10 commandments. He sat through the whole sermon and instead of sneaking out he waited until the sermon was over and went to talk to the minister.
"Father, I came here today to steal a hat to replace the one I lost. But after hearing your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I changed my mind."
The minister said, "Bless you my son. Was it when I started to preach `Thou shall not steal,` that changed your heart?"
The man responded, "No, it was the one on adultery. When you started to preach on that, I remembered where I left my hat."

Pappu blows up his balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger. His mother, Jeeto, tells him to stop it as he`s liable to break something.
He continues. "Pappu!" Jeeto screams. "Knock it off. You`re going to break something."
He stops and eventually she leaves for a short trip to the store. Pappu starts up with the balloon again. He gives it one last flick and it lands in the toilet.
Jeeto comes in and while putting away the groceries gets the urge. A diarrhea run. She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and SPLASH, out it comes.
When she`s finished she looks down and can`t believe what she`s seeing. Diarrhea everywhere! She`s not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet! She calls her doctor.
The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation, but he assures her he`ll be over shortly to examine everything.
When he arrives she leads him to the bathroom and he gets down on his knees and takes a more...