Sandwich Jokes / Recent Jokes
A guy opens his packed lunch that his wife made for him that morning. He takes a bite of the sandwich and immediately spits it out cursing. Straight away he phones his wife asking, "What was in that sandwich you gave me?"
"Why?" she asked.
"Because it was disgusting." he answers. "What was in it?"
"Crab Paste." she says.
"Well I have never had anything that tasted that awful before. Where did you get it from?"
"The Pharmacy." she answers
A sandwich walked into a bar and asked for a pint.
The bartender said, "Sorry, we don't serve food."
10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, ''He just didn't belong.''
9) Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern.
8) Draw a tiny, black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, ''It's spreading, it's spreading.''
7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, ''Soon, soon....''
6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.
5) Tell your roommate, ''I've got an important message for you.'' Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, more...
3 men were at work and they went to have their lunchbreaks.The 1st man had chocolate spread sandwich as usual.He said "if my wife makes me the same sandwich tomorrow, i swear i will kill myself".
The 2nd man had tuna sandwich as usual he said "if i have the same sandwich tomorrow, ill kill myself too".The 3rd man had peanut butter sandwich again"he said if i have the same sandwich tomorrow ill kill myself too.
the next day they all got the same sandwich so they killed themselves.At the funeral, the 1st wife said "he should have told me he wanted a different sandwich".
the 2nd said the same.
the 3rd said"i dont know why my husband killed himself, he made his own sandwiches"
You're so ugly your mom has to tie a roast beef sandwich around your neck to get the dog to play with you.
A farmer was sitting on the bottom step of his porch eating a sandwich when a hen zoomed by with a rooster in hot pursuit.
Suddenly, the rooster slammed on the brakes, slid to a halt and began pecking at the crumbs from the sandwich.
"Darn," muttered the farmer, "hope I never get THAT hungry!"
A man rolls over after an incredible night of sex and looks his wife in the eye. "How come after all this sex, I have to get up at 4 in the morning and take a piss, but you can always last until morning?"
She smiles and replies "Have you ever tried to open a toasted cheese sandwich...?"