Beef Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Roast beef sandwich

    Hot 5 months ago

    You're so ugly your mom has to tie a roast beef sandwich around your neck to get the dog to play with you.

    Q.) What does it mean when the flag is at half mast at the post office? A.) They're hiring.
    Q.) What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? A.) "Dam."
    Q.) How do crazy people go through the forest? A.) They take the psycho path.
    Q.) What do Eskimos get from sitting on the toilet too long? A.) Polaroids.
    Q.) What do the letters D.N.A. stand for? A.) National Dyslexia Association.
    Q.) What do you call cheese that isn't yours? A.) Nacho Cheese.
    Q.) What do you call Santa's helpers? A.) Subordinate Clauses.
    Q.) What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand? A.) Quattro sinko.
    Q.) What do you get from a pampered cow? A.) Spoiled milk.
    Q.) What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A.) Frostbite.
    Q.) What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A.) A nervous wreck.
    Q.) What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? A.) Anyone can roast beef.
    Q.) Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? A.) more...

    Clean One Liners

    Hot 3 years ago

    What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?
    Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup!

    A magician was driving down the road.. then he turned into a drive way...

    Why don't aliens eat clowns.
    Because they taste funny.

    What do you call a fish with no eyes?
    A fsh

    Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other: "Funny, I smell carrots too".

    What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
    el-if-i-no

    Two peanuts walk into a bar.
    One was a salted.

    Once upon a time there were two muffins in the microwave. Suddenly, on of the muffins says:
    "Man it's hot in here!!!!"
    The other muffin exclaims,
    "Look a talking muffin!!!!"

    What's For Lunch?

    Hot 2 years ago

    An Irishman, a Mexican and a redneck were doing construction work at the top of a high-rise building.
    It was lunch time, and when the Irishman opened his lunch pail he groaned, "Corned beef and cabbage again! If I get corned beef and cabbage for lunch one more time, I'm going to jump off this building!"
    The Mexican opened his lunch pail and exclaimed, "Tacos again! If I get tacos for lunch one more time, I'm going to jump off this building too!"
    Then the redneck opened his lunch pail and grumbled, "Bologna again! If I get one more bologna sandwich for lunch I'm going to jump too!"
    The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch pail, found he had corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.
    Next, the Mexican opened his lunch pail, saw he had tacos and jumped to his death too.
    Finally, the redneck opened his lunch pail, found a bologna sandwich and jumped to his death as well.
    At their funeral the following day, the Irishman's more...

    There was a Irishman, Mexican, and a blond guy, who were construction workers and they were working on top of a building. It was lunch time and the Irsh man opens his lunch pail and he gets cabbage and beef and he says, "If I get one more beef and cabage for lunch I'm gonna jump off of this building."
    Then the Mexican opens his lunch pail and he gets a burrito, he says if I get one more burrito for lunch I'm gonna jump off this building. The blond man opens his lunch pale and gets a bologna sandwhich he siad if I get one more bologna sandwhich I'm goona jump off of this building.
    The next day the Irish man opens his lunch pail and finds cabage and beef so he jumps off the building to his death. Then the Mexican opens hid lunch pail and finds a burrito so he jumps off the building to his death. Then the blond guy opens his lunch pale and finds a bologna sandwhich, so he jumps off to his death as well.
    The next day at their funeral the Irish man's wife said, more...

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