Roommate Jokes / Recent Jokes

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
195. Talk on the phone in gibberish. Use a high-pitched, squeaky tone.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
196. Leave strange outgoing messages on your answering machine. Be creative.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
197. When your roommate is about to come home, hide in the closet. Five minutes after he gets home, walk out. If he comments, act as if you don't know what he's talking about.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
198. Take up cooking. Cook exotic foods from scratch without using any cookbooks or recipes.

A girl went out on a date with a trumpet player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was it? Did his embouchure make him a great kisser?"
"Nah," the first girl replied. "That dry, tight, tiny little pucker; it was no fun at all."
The next night she went out with a tuba player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?"
"Ugh!" the first girl exclaimed. "Those huge, rubbery, blubbery, slobbering slabs of meat; oh, it was just gross!"
The next night she went out with a French horn player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?"
"Well," the first girl replied, "his kissing was just so-so; but I loved the way he held me!"

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
199. Come home at three in the morning wearing shredded jeans and no shirt. Dive into the room and under your bed. Tell your roommate that you were being held captive by ten foot soldiers in full battle array.

Hubby: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why? Wife: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears. Hubby: You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you? Wife: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?" __________________________________________Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden. Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles. Girl: Well, that's because we aren't married yet! __________________________________________Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady. Mom: Well, you have done the right thing. Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap! __________________________________________Wife to husband: "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?" Husband to wife: more...