Mom Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Mom At The Whore House

    Hot 4 years ago

    Twas the night before Christmas,
    When all through the house,

    Everybody felt shitty even the mouse.
    With Mom at the whore house,

    And dad smoking grass,
    I'd just settled down for a nice piece of ass!

    When out on the lawn I hear such a clatter,
    I sprung from my piece to see what was the matter!

    When out on the lawn I saw a big dick,
    I knew in a moment it must be Saint Nick.

    He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell,
    I knew in a moment the fucker had fell!

    He filled all our stockings with pretzels and beer,
    And a big rubber dick for my brother, the queer.

    He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart,
    The son of a bitch blew the chimney apart!

    He swore and he cursed as he rode out of sight,
    Piss on you all and have a Hell of a night!

    Little Johnny's Peanut

    Hot 6 years ago

    Little Jenny comes home from playing at Johnny's house, and says,' 'Hey Mom, guess what! Johnny's got a penis like a peanut!''

    Mom is understandably confused for a second, then asks,' 'What, you mean it's shaped like a peanut?''

    ' 'No silly, it's salty!''

    [Editor's note: Please don't sue me.]

    lol

    Hot 2 years agoby essra

    once a drunk man sat beside an english man and asked
    him are you from china
    the english man said no
    after a while the drunk man asked him if your not from china then your mom is from china
    the english man said no
    then the drunk asked dont you have anyone from china in your family
    the english man became bored and said im from china and all my family are
    the drunk said weird because you look from england

    Missy in heat

    Hot 2 years ago

    Angela went up to her mom and ask if she could take missy for a walk. Her mom said no, that missy was in heat. "What is heat?" Mom said go ask your Dad, he is outside working on car. Angela goes outside and ask her Dad if she can take missy for a walk, her Mom had said no, that missy was in heat. "What is heat Dad"? Go get the leash and bring her here. She goes and get missy and brings her back on a leash. Her Dad takes a grease rag and soaks it in Gasoline and swips her bottom with it. Now you can take her around the block one time. Angela goes down the street and comes back shorty with the leash and no missy. Dad says "where is missy?" Angela said "missy ran out of gas and another dog pushed her down the street.

    Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School. "Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge, and all the people walked across safely. He used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters and call in an air strike. They sent in bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved."

    "Now, Joey, is that REALLY what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked.

    "Well, no, Mom, but if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"

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