Roger Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three men die and go to heaven and queue to meet St. Peter. St. Peter: Hi, what's your name? Paul: My name is Paul. St. Peter: Hi, Paul. Tell me, when you died, how much were you earning? Paul: 120K. St. Peter: Wow! Tell me, Paul, what were you doing to earn that kind of money? Paul: I was a lawyer. St. Peter: That's great. Come on in. St. Peter then turned to the second man. Hi, what's your name? Roger: My name is Roger. St. Peter: Hi, Roger. Tell me, when you died, how much were you earning? Roger: 60K. St. Peter: Hey, that's great! Tell me, Roger:, what did you do for a living? Roger: I was an accountant. St. Peter: That's very good. Come on in. St. Peter then turned to the second man. Hi, what's your name? John: My name is John. St. Peter: Hi, John. Tell me, John, how much were you earning when you died? John: About $23,000. St. Peter: Hey, that's fantastic, John! Tell me, what instrument did you play?

Roger is a hard worker, and he spends most of his nights bowling or playing volleyball. One weekend, his wife decides that he needs to relax a little and take a break from sports, so she takes him to a strip club.

The doorman at the club spots them and says "Hey Roger! How are you tonight?" His wife, surprised, asks her husband if he has been here before.

"No, no. He's just one of the guys I bowl with."
They are seated, and the waitress approaches, sees Roger and says "Nice to see you, Roger. A gin and tonic as usual?" His wife's eyes widen. "You must come here a lot!"

"No, no" says Roger "I just know her from volleyball."
Then a stripper walks up to the table. She throws her arms around Roger and says "Roger! A table dance as usual?" His wife, fuming, collects her things and storms out of the bar. Roger follows her and spots her getting into a cab, so he jumps into the more...

Roger was sitting in a very full bus when a fat woman opposite said, "If you were a gentleman, young man, youd stand up and let someone else sit down." "And if you were a lady," replied Roger, "youd stand up and let four people sit down."

Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a very ritzy jewelery shop.

The jeweler inquired,' Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?'

Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered,' No, instead engrave "To my one and only love".'

The jeweler smiled and said,' Yes, sir; how very romantic of you.'

Roger retorted with a glint in his eye,' Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again.'

The controller, working a busy pattern, told the 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft).

The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?

Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth!"

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Unknown Aircraft: "I'm fucking bored!".

Air Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!!"

Unknown Aircraft: "I said I was fucking bored, not fucking stupid!"

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Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124. 7." (124. 7 would be the radio frequency for Departure Control).

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure... By the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far more...

Roger is a hard worker, and he spends most of his nights bowling or playing volleyball. One weekend, his wife decides that he needs to relax a little and take a break from sports, so she takes him to a strip club (work with me here).

The doorman at the club spots them and says "Hey Roger! How are you tonight?"

His wife, surprised, asks her husband if he has been here before. "No, no. He's just one of the guys I bowl with."

They are seated, and the waitress approaches, sees Roger and says "Nice to see you, Roger. A gin and tonic as usual?"

His wife's eyes widen. "You must come here a lot!"

"No, no" says Roger "I just know her from volleyball."

Then a stripper walks up to the table. She throws her arms around Roger and says "Roger! A table dance as usual?"

His wife, fuming, collects her things and storms out of the bar.

Roger more...

LH741:"Tower, give me a rough timecheck!"
Tower: "It's tuesday, Sir."

Tower: Have you got enough fuel or not?
Pilot: Yes.
Tower: Yes what??
Pilot: Yes, SIR!

Tower: Shamu Two Two, please state estimated time of arrival.
Pilot: Ok, let's see..., I think Tuesday would be nice...

Pilot: "Bratislava Tower, this is Oscar Oscar Kilo estabished ILS16."
Tower: "Oscar Oscar Kilo, Guten Tag, cleared to land 16, wind calm and by the way: this is Wien Tower."
Pilot: (short break) "Bratislava Tower, Oscar Oscar Kilo passed the outer marker."
Tower: "Oscar Oscar Kilo roger, and once more: you are approaching Vienna!"
Pilot: (short break again) "Confirm, this is NOT Bratislava?"
Tower: "You can believe me, this is Vienna!
Pilot: (once again short break) "But why? We want to go to Bratislava, not to Vienna!"
Tower: "Oscar more...