Roger Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Here it is nicely illustrated:
    Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else. And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud:' 'Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?'' And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.
    And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.
    And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I more...

    Arriving in HeavenThree men die and go to heaven and queue to meet St. Peter.St. Peter: Hi, what's your name? Paul: My name is Paul.St. Peter: Hi, Paul. Tell me, when you died, how much were you earning? Paul: 120K.St. Peter: Wow! Tell me, Paul, what were you doing to earn that kind of money? Paul: I was a lawyer.St. Peter: That's great. Come on in. St. Peter then turned to the second man. Hi, what's your name? Roger: My name is Roger.St. Peter: Hi, Roger. Tell me, when you died, how much were you earning? Roger: 60K.St. Peter: Hey, that's great! Tell me, Roger:, what did you do for a living? Roger: I was an accountant.St. Peter: That's very good. Come on in. St. Peter then turned to the second man. Hi, what's your name? John: My name is John.St. Peter: Hi, John. Tell me, John, how much were you earning when you died? John: About $23,000.St. Peter: Hey, that's fantastic, John! Tell me, what instrument did you play?

    Best when told with a heavy Italian accent when the father speaks.
    An Italian boy has a life long dream to go to school in the United
    States and it finally comes true (good thing for this joke) when he is
    accepted to Columbia University in New York. After a couple of years
    at school his father comes to visit him in America.
    The boy is
    very excited to see his father and ask what he would like to do in
    America. The father says, "This is'a America. I'd a like'a to go'a to
    a baseball game."
    So they head on down to Yankee stadium and as it
    turns out it's oldtimers day. Roger Maris comes to bat and hits a
    long ball which is heading for the left field seats. The father stands
    up and yells, "RUN'A ROGER, RUN."
    Micky Mantle comes up next and hits
    a fly ball to deep right field. Again, the father stands up, and yells
    Next Joe Dimagio steps out to the plate. There
    pitcher throws more...

    Monty Stein, in the year 3047, committed quite a heist and made off with quite a tidy sum. He was eventually caught, and the judge sentenced him to seven years imprisonment.
    However, the night before his impending incarceration, he calmly set his time machine for seven years and one day, and stepped through.
    When he emerged in 3054, there was quite an uproar. Prosecution maintained that Monty Stein never actually served the sentence, since effectively no time passed for him.
    Defense stated that the effect was basically the same, since he lost seven years of living in society, or something to that effect.
    Both sides called each other names (as lawyers are wont to do).
    Eventually, Stein was set free. Some say that the judge succumbed to peer pressure; others said that he simply couldn't resist the temptation.
    For his decision, in full, was: "A NICHE IN TIME SAVES STEIN." (By Isaac Asimov)
    The cartoon characters were playing draw poker between the more...

    Q: How many readers does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A: 51. One to screw in the bulb, one to notice some small detail of the bulb-screwing and tie it into the Publius Enigma, 15 more to expand on his point, 12 to flame him, 10 to argue that you're not really screwing in a light bulb, that only Roger Waters can screw in a light bulb, 8 more to say that Dave Gilmour can screw in a light bulb better than Roger ever could, two to say that the best way to screw in a bulb is if Dave and Roger do it together, one to say that Syd Barrett is actually the best bulb-screwer, and of course one newbie to ask what Publius is, who will be subsequently referred to the FAQ, which he will then ask where to find.

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