Reviews Jokes

These are said to be "actual" quotes taken from performance reviews.
1. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiousity.
2. I would not allow this employee to breed.
3. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
4. When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
5. He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
6. This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't be.
7. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
8. Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
9. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
10. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
11. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
12. A room temperature IQ.
13. A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary more...

So these two men arrive in heaven at the same time. Saint Peter asks them to step forward and give their name and occupation. The first man steps up and says, "I'm Jim Walzcek, Taxi Driver.

Saint Peter reviews his list, "Ah, yes". Hands him a silk robe, hands him a gold staff and welcomes him to heaven.

The next man steps forward and says," I'm Gene Nelson and I was a Lutheran minister for 43 years".

Saint Peter reviews his list,' Ah, yes". Hands him a cotton robe, passes him a wooden staff and welcomes him to heaven.

The minister, looking a bit taken aback, says, "I don't mean to seem ungrateful but the man in front of me received silk and gold".

Saint Peter replied, "We judge by results. While you preached people slept, while he drove people prayed.

Spider-Man 3 is the top movie at the box office, but the reviews have so far been poor. In the third installment an alien entity turns Spider-Man’s red-and-blue suit black.

Critics were disappointed cause after two hours Spider-Man solves the problem with club soda.

It's not exactly a joke, but one of the funniest movie reviews I ever read is reported to have appeared in The New York Times for the film "Chitty-Chitty, Bang Bang."

The entire review read: "It went bang bang and it was chitty!"

It is matched in my opinion only by the famous music review that went (paraphrasing here) something like this: The Philadelphia Symphony Orchestra played Beethoven last night. Beethoven lost."