Review Jokes

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    EMPLOYEE PERFORMANCE EVALUATION
    Date ____________________
    Name _____________________
    Department ________________________
    Title _____________________________
    Supervisor _________________________
    KNOWLEDGE
    1. This s.o.b. really knows his shit!
    2. Knows most phases of job.
    3. Knows just enough to be dangerous.
    4. Stupid bastard couldn't hit his ass with both hands.
    5. Fucker is brain damaged, a cup of coffee has a higher I.Q.
    ACCURACY
    1. Does excellent work, if not preoccupied with sex.
    2. Pretty good, only occasionally blows it out his ass.
    3. Does shitty work and constantly fucks up.
    4. Couldn't count his balls and get the same number twice.
    RATE OF WORK
    1. Fastest mo-fo I ever saw.
    2. Fast s.o.b., if he thinks he'll get a raise.
    3. Does a lot of work, at salary review time.
    4. Works only if kicked in the ass every five minutes.
    5. Couldn't do less work if he was in a coma.
    DEPENDABILITY
    1. more...

    Review: The Cat in the Hat by Dr. Seuss, 61 pages. Beginner Books, $3.95 The Cat in the Hat is a hard-hitting novel of prose and poetryin which the author re-examines the dynamic rhyming schemes andbold imagery of some of his earlier works, most notably GreenEggs and Ham, If I Ran the Zoo, and Why Can't I Shower WithMommy? In this novel, Theodore Geisel, writing under thepseudonym Dr. Seuss, pays homage to the great Dr. Sigmund Freudin a nightmarish fantasy of a renegade feline helping two youngchildren understand their own frustrated sexuality.The story opens with two youngsters, a brother and a sister, abandoned by their mother, staring mournfully through thewindow of their single-family dwelling. In the foreground, alarge tree/phallic symbol dances wildly in the wind, tauntingthe children and encouraging them to succumb to the sexualyearnings they undoubtedly feel for each other. Even to themost unlearned reader, the blatant references to theincestuous relationship the two share more...

    Dear Employee:As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel). Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company.SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the program is called SCREW.SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management.This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination).Under the terms of the new policy, an more...

    New Rules
    New Rules
    Dear Employee:
    As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.
    Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.
    This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel). Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company.
    SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the program is called SCREW.
    SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management.
    This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority more...

    The Stanford Law Review runs the following quote on their masthead:
    "For every thousand people hacking at the leaves of evil there
    is one chopping at the roots."
    -H.D. Thoreau
    On their April Fools issue they ran the following:
    "For every person hacking at the leaves of evil there are a thousand
    smoking the stuff."

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