Performance Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    1 "Employees are our most valuable asset."
    2. "I have an open door policy."
    3. "You could earn more money under the new plan."
    4. "We're reorganizing to better serve our customers."
    5. "The future is bright."
    6. "We reward risk takers."
    7. "Performance will be rewarded."
    8. "We don't shoot the messenger."
    9. "Training is a high priority."
    10. "I haven't heard any rumours."
    11. "We'll review your performance in six months."
    12. "Our people are the best."
    13. "Your input is important to us."
    14 “You will receive two weeks training every year.”

    OPERATIONAL EXCELLENCE

    Hot 1 year ago

    OPERATIONAL EXCELLENCE?
    Once upon a time, an American company and a Japanese company decided to have competitive boat race on the Bear River. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day, they both felt as ready as they could be.
    The Japanese won by a mile! Afterwards the American Team became very discouraged by the losses and morale began to sag. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found. A The "Continuous Improvement Team" was established to investigate the problem and to recommend appropriate corrective action.
    THEIR CONCLUSION: The problem was that the Japanese Team had eight people rowing and one person steering, whereby the American Team had one person rowing and eight people steering.
    The American Corporate Steering Committee immediately hired a consulting firm to do a study on the management structure. After some time and millions of dollars, the consulting firm concluded more...

    EMPLOYEE PERFORMANCE EVALUATION
    Date ____________________
    Name _____________________
    Department ________________________
    Title _____________________________
    Supervisor _________________________
    KNOWLEDGE
    1. This s.o.b. really knows his shit!
    2. Knows most phases of job.
    3. Knows just enough to be dangerous.
    4. Stupid bastard couldn't hit his ass with both hands.
    5. Fucker is brain damaged, a cup of coffee has a higher I.Q.
    ACCURACY
    1. Does excellent work, if not preoccupied with sex.
    2. Pretty good, only occasionally blows it out his ass.
    3. Does shitty work and constantly fucks up.
    4. Couldn't count his balls and get the same number twice.
    RATE OF WORK
    1. Fastest mo-fo I ever saw.
    2. Fast s.o.b., if he thinks he'll get a raise.
    3. Does a lot of work, at salary review time.
    4. Works only if kicked in the ass every five minutes.
    5. Couldn't do less work if he was in a coma.
    DEPENDABILITY
    1. more...

    An American automobile company and a Japanese auto company decided to have a competitive boat race on the Detroit River. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day, they were as ready as they could be.
    The Japanese team won by a mile.
    Afterwards, the American team became discouraged by the loss and their morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found. A Continuous Measurable Improvement Team of "Executives" was set up to investigate the problem and to recommend appropriate corrective action.
    Their conclusion: The problem was that the Japanese team had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, whereas the American team had 1 person rowing and 8 people steering. The American Corporate Steering Committee immediately hired a consulting firm to do a study on the management structure.
    After some time and billions of dollars, the consulting firm concluded that "too many more...

    A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police.
    "What are those knives doing in your car? Asked the officer.
    "I use them in my juggling act," says the juggler.
    "Oh yeah?" "Let`s see you do it." Says the policeman.
    So the man starts tossing and juggling the knives.
    A guy driving by sees this and says, "Wow, am I glad I stopped
    Drinking. Look at the test they`re making you do now!"

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