Rent Jokes / Recent Jokes

It was a sunny day in the Big Apple, but a poor black preacher was having enough troubles already. His rent was due, and his little chapel was losing so many of his fellow followers, that he was about to jump out into the street when the pastor who had been "robbing" him just happened to to turn the corner.
"What's the matter with you, my brother?"
"I'm about to lose all my friends to your church and my rent is due."
"Well, not much i can do about the rent, but I can give you a little help with the patrons of yo little chapel."
"shoot fo'."
And the rich preacher pulled out a genuine 1846 gold pocketwatch, and said proudly but softly, "whenever yo audience is about to sleep, just sway this back and forth, and they'll do whatever you want."
"can i borrow dat?"
"fo' sho'."
The next week, the rich pastor checks in with the poor pastor, but he looks even more down in the more...

One evening, after attending the theater, two gentlemen were walking down the avenue when they observed a rather well dressed and attractive young lady walking ahead of them. One of them turned to the other and remarked, "I`d give $250. 00 to spend the night with that woman."

Much to their surprise, the young lady overheard the remark, turned around, and replied, "I`ll take you up on that offer."

She had a neat appearance and a pleasant voice, so after bidding his companion good night, the man accompanied the young lady to her apartment.

The following morning the man presented her with $125. 00 as he prepared to leave. She demanded the rest of the money, stating "If you don`t give me the other $125. 00, I`ll sue you for it."

He laughed, saying, "I`d like to see you get it on these grounds." Within a few days, he was surprised when he received a summons ordering his presence in court as a defendant in a more...

Everytime you throw exclaim “TAKE THAT, YOU!!! ” continue this behavior until forcefully thrown out.
When ever a strike “X” appears on the screen, start yelling about how this is a Black Panther conspiracy.
Explain to the Owner how your game has been ruined due to Platetechtonics then loose him in lingo. Demand Compensation.
Bring Zippo fluid, light the pins on fire.
Wear Golf Shoes.
Pray to the pins, leave sacrifices.
Dress up like an amish man. Give speaches to others against the high technology used in bowling.
Play bocci with extra lane balls
Try to juggle the balls, when you drop them, start screaming about Platetechtonics again
Every ten minutes run the entire length of the building beating your own head and speaking in tounges, then sit down as if nothing happened.
Bring full angling gear, ask how they’re biting….. fish.
Completely cover your ball in duct tape (sticky side out) then loudly complain about how more...

The following are actual stories provided by travel agents: I had someone ask for an aisle seat so that their hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.
I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information then she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response. .. click.
A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map, and Florida is a very thin state."
I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from more...

A blonde decides to do something wild she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first x-rated adult video. She goes to the video store and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating. When she arrives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape into the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain. "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape but static." "Sorry about, that," replied the store clerk. "We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?" The blonde replied, "It's called 'Head Cleaner.'"

A blonde decides to do something wild she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first x-rated adult video. She goes to the video store and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating. When she arrives home, she lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape into the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain. "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape but static." "Sorry about, that," replied the store clerk. "We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?" The blonde replied, "It's called 'Head Cleaner."'

What They Say What It Means ============= ============= spacious hole in the wall to anyone living in their car that's why we're charging $200 above the going rate easy access to Particularly in Mountain View and Sunnyvale, this transportation can mean: (a) in the flight path of Moffet Field (b) next to the railroad tracks (c) next to a major road/freeway/highway (d) a&b, b&c, a&c above (e) all of the above friendly staff Doberman pincher mentality free utilities That's the only way we can entice people in this dump. Would you pay THIS rent AND the water & garbage? heated pool only when the sun's out only when there's water in it great views reach out and touch your neighbor! overlooking the garbage dumpster overlooking the pool overlooking the cute guys/gals apartment affordable to: (a) anyone with an income of $100 K (b) anyone with wealthy parents (c) anyone who is wealthy (d) anyone who wants to spend $$$ on housing pets welcome kids aren't we just never got the odor out AEK All more...