Readers Jokes / Recent Jokes

Here is the report on our SCIENTIFIC CORRECTNESS SURVEY. The question was:
Is faster-than-light travel possible?
This survey drew an onslaught of opinions.
The vote was a landslide (72%) for the YES side. Thus, another controversy is put to rest. Henceforth, it will be scientifically correct to believe that faster-than-light travel is possible.
Opinions ranged from positive to negative, and from simple ("Yes") to hideously complex. While the results are interesting, the variety of methods used to obtain them is dazzling.
* * *
Some readers used fuzzy logic:
I have never really believed that light actually goes at the speed of light. Have we any proof? I worked out that it should go at root two times the speed of light (c) making the constant itself irrelevant.
-Graeme Winter
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Other readers used higher-level fuzzy logic:
This is an interesting question, coincidentally I was driving through a Minnesota blizzard last week when my more...

Q: How many body builders/weightlifters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 6. One to change it and 5 to say "Man, you've got huge muscles! "

Q: How many Sun readers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.

Q: How many Sun readers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, but one is enough to screw up the joke.

Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Duh.... whats a lightbulb???

Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: It depends how many blondes there are, but some people prefer it with the lights off.

Q: How many poltergeists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to unscrew the old bulb and drop it on the floor, one to put the new bulb in, and one to move a few more things about just for good measure.

Q: How many nihilists does it take to change a light more...

Q: How many alt. anagrams readers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to say it can't be done because there aren't enough vowels, one to be clever and change "a lightbulb" into "bull bit hag", and one to try and sell copies of the "Anagram for Windows" program he wrote.

Q: How many alt. fan. pratchett readers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to actually change the bulb, one to write amusing footnotes about it, one to propose to Laura, and a newbie to ask if that's really THE Terry Or colette or both, and then to realise that the speed of light can't be measured, except in badgers, or possibly multiple of pi, then to say sod it and ask if anyone knows where to find the lyrics for the hedgehog song...

Q: How many alt. folklore. urban readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: It depends on the way the bulb is threaded.

Q: How many alt. folklore. urban readers does it take more...

Q: How many USENETers does it take to screw in a ligth bulb?
A. None. They are so busy hogging up bandwidth taking out their postadolescent frustrations on each other, that they never get around to it!

Q: How many rec. humor. funny readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 50. They all stand out in the hall while Maddi comes out every once in a while and looks at all the light bulbs people have brought. Finally she selects a few. They're all quite feeble and burn out after a few minutes, so she comes out for more. But she selects more dim bulbs, which causes great discontent among the people who have brought really bright, long-lasting bulbs.

Q: How many rec. humour posters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 31. One to change the lightbulb and thirty to flame them for picking the wrong wattage. No, better make that 32. .. Captain Nitpick will want to point out that the newsgroup is rec. humor (US spelling) *not* rec. more...

Q: How many sci. math readers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Pi. Two hold the ladder, one the bulb, but something irrational remains about it.

Q: How many alt. tla readers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One-no! Six is!

Q: How many alt. newbie readers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Me! Me too! Me too!

Q: How many alt. fan. hofstadter readers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They have special lightbulbs that screw themselves.

Q: How many alt. fan. douglas-adams readers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 42.

Q: How many alt. alien. visitors readers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One. (screw screw screw) Aargh! The light! I'm being abducted!

Q: How many alt. 1d readers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Hmmm, yes, very funny, but what has this got to do with 1d?

Q: How many alt. spam readers does it take to change a more...

Q: How many alt. test readers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One postmaster and 100 autoresponder mailbombs.

Q: How many alt. atheism readers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to screw the bulb, one to prove that it exists anyway.

Q: How many AOL users does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Eight. One screws in the lightbulb, but seven more do too, due to a software bug.

Q: How many AOL users does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Eleven. One to ask to be on the lightbulb gif mailing list, nine to say "ME TOO!", and another to post a message asking for the intructions on how to view a lightbulb.

Q: How many IRC chatters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They're so busy saying hello, goodbye, and kicking each other off that no one ever has enough time to get anything done!

Q: How many humor theorists does it take to submit a light bulb joke?
A: 300--one to more...

In case you missed it. Here is the Washington Post' s Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.


The winners are:




1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: more...