Intellectual Jokes

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    A quick SQL joke

    Hot 1 year ago

    A SQL query walks into a bar and sees two tables. He walks up to them and says' Can I join you?'

    THE OFFICIAL DO-IT YOURSELF SHAKESPEAREAN INSULT KIT

    To construct a Shakespearean insult, combine one word from each of the three columns below, and preface it with' Thou':


    Column 1. |. Column 2. |. Column 3

    artless. |. base-court. |. apple-john
    beslubbering. |. beef-witted. |. barnacle
    bootless. |. beetle-headed. |. bladder
    churlish. |. boil-brained. |. boar-pig
    clouted. |. clay-brained. |. bum-bailey
    craven. |. common-kissing. |. canker-blossom
    dankish. |. dizzy-eyed. |. coxcomb
    droning. |. doghearted. |. codpiece
    fobbing. |. elf-skinned. |. flap-dragon
    gleeking. |. flap-mouthed. |. foot-licker
    goatish. |. fly-bitten. |. fustilarian
    impertinent. |. fool-born. |. gudgeon
    jarring. |. guts-griping. |. harpy
    loggerheaded. |. half-faced. |. hedge-pig
    mammering. |. hedge-born. |. hugger-mugger
    mewling. |. idle-headed. |. lewdster
    pribbling. |. ill-nurtured. |. more...

    IF POE WERE A TECHIE

    Once upon a midnight dreary,
    fingers cramped and vision bleary,
    system manuals piled high
    and wasted paper on the floor,
    longing for the warmth of bed sheets,
    still I sat there, doing spreadsheets.

    Having reached the bottom line,
    I took a floppy from the drawer.
    Typing with a steady hand,
    I then invoked the "save" command
    and waited for the disk to store,
    only this and nothing more.

    Deep into the monitor peering,
    long I sat there wond'ring, fearing
    while the disk kept churning,
    turning yet to churn some more.
    "Save!" I said, "You cursed mother!
    Save my data from before!"

    One thing did the phosphors answer
    only this and nothing more, just,
    "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

    With my fingers pale and trembling,
    slowly toward the keyboard bending,
    longing for a happy ending,
    hoping all more...

    1> "Hie thee away, scoundrel, lest this metallic vessel be oped; its whoop-ass forthwith unleash'd."

    2> "Shall I compare thee to a summer's eve? For verily, thou art a douche-bag!"

    3> "Unbridled envy wouldst thine ample codpiece inspire, save that it concealeth naught but a minnow."

    4> "Get thee to a nunnery! For next to nun, methinks, is thy prospect of victory."

    5> "Faugh! Thy putrid exhale couldst topple the carrion fowl from off his perch, atop a cart with human refuse laden."

    6> "Thou mewling swag-bellied scullion! Thou wretched folly-fallen cutpurse! Most grievously doth thy visage offend the eye, thou droning flap-mouthed pignut!"

    7> "Behind yon mask of red and gold, what coxcomb struts and frets in dainty tights, unswell'd by manly cord?"

    8> "Of fruitless issue is thy ill-spoken slander! For elastic is my composition, whilst more...

    Two atoms were walking down the street. One atom says to the other one, "I've lost an electron!

    The 2nd atom replies, "Are you sure?"

    Says the 1st atom, "I'm positive."

    ~~
    Editor's note: I find it personally amusing that this joke is simultaneously an Intellectual joke, yet one of the stupidest jokes I've heard...

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