Intellectual Jokes

A SQL query walks into a bar and sees two tables. He walks up to them and says' Can I join you?'

THE OFFICIAL DO-IT YOURSELF SHAKESPEAREAN INSULT KIT

To construct a Shakespearean insult, combine one word from each of the three columns below, and preface it with' Thou':


Column 1. |. Column 2. |. Column 3

artless. |. base-court. |. apple-john
beslubbering. |. beef-witted. |. barnacle
bootless. |. beetle-headed. |. bladder
churlish. |. boil-brained. |. boar-pig
clouted. |. clay-brained. |. bum-bailey
craven. |. common-kissing. |. canker-blossom
dankish. |. dizzy-eyed. |. coxcomb
droning. |. doghearted. |. codpiece
fobbing. |. elf-skinned. |. flap-dragon
gleeking. |. flap-mouthed. |. foot-licker
goatish. |. fly-bitten. |. fustilarian
impertinent. |. fool-born. |. gudgeon
jarring. |. guts-griping. |. harpy
loggerheaded. |. half-faced. |. hedge-pig
mammering. |. hedge-born. |. hugger-mugger
mewling. |. idle-headed. |. lewdster
pribbling. |. ill-nurtured. |. more...

Two atoms were walking down the street. One atom says to the other one, "I've lost an electron!

The 2nd atom replies, "Are you sure?"

Says the 1st atom, "I'm positive."

~~
Editor's note: I find it personally amusing that this joke is simultaneously an Intellectual joke, yet one of the stupidest jokes I've heard...

Q: What is the difference between an etymologist and an entomologist?
A: An etymologist would know the difference

The Top 15 Pick-Up Lines Used by William Shakespeare

15>' How about a little Puck?'

14>' Of course,' Romeo and Gertrude' is just a working title. I might be persuaded to change it for you, M'Lady.'

13>' Et tu, Cutie?'

12>' Shall I compare thee to a brick outhouse?'

11>' If I whispered in thine ear that thou hadst a body of beauty unknown but to the heavens, wouldst thou hold it against me?'

10>' Wouldst thou care to join me in forming the beast with two backs?'

9>' My heart, it pines, as my trousers tent.'

8>' Without thine companionship, dear lady, I fearest I'd spend the

evening with pen in hand, if thou knows what I mean.'

7>' Hey, Baby, can Ophelia up?'

6>' Is this a dagger I see before me? Nay! I'm merely happy to cast eyes upon thy beauty!'

5>' Greetings to you, fair sailor.'

4>' But soft, what light through yonder trousers more...