Protect Jokes / Recent Jokes
1945 - we painted pictures of girls on airplanes to remind us of home.
2000 - they put the real thing in the cockpit.
1945 - your girlfriend was at home praying you would return alive.
2000 - she is in the same trench praying your condom worked.
1945 - medals were awarded to heroes who saved lives at the risk of their own.
2000 - medals are awarded to people who work at headquarters.
1945 - a commander would put his butt on the line to protect his people.
2000 - a commander will put his people on the line to protect his butt.
1945 - wars were planned and run by generals with lots of important victories.
2000 - wars are planned by politicians with lots of equivocating.
1945 - all you could think about was getting out and becoming a civilian again.
2000 - all you can think about is getting out and becoming a civilian again.
List Of Possible Slogans Promoting National Condom Week
1. Cover Your Stump Before You Hump
2. Before You Attack Her, Wrap Your Whacker
3. Don't Be Silly, Protect Your Willy
4. When In Doubt, Shroud Your Spout
5. Don't Be A Loner, Cover Your Boner
6. You Cant Go Wrong If You Shield Your Dong
7. If You'Re Not Goin To Sack It, Go Home And Whack It
8. If You Think She'S Spunky Cover Your Monkey
9. If You Slip Between Her Thighs, Be Sure To Condomize
10. It Will Be Sweeter If You Wrap Your Peter
11. She Wont Get Sick If You Wrap Your Dick
12. If You Go In To Heat, Package Your Meat
13. While Your Undressing Venus, Dress Up Your Penis
14. When You Take Off Her Pants And Blouse, Slip Up Your Trouser Mouse
15. Especially In December, Gift Wrap Your Member
16. Never, Never Deck Her With An Unwrapped Pecker
17. Dont Be A Fool, Vulcanize Your Tool
18. The Right Selection Will Protect Your Erection
19. Wrap It In Foil more...
AAC Alter All CommandsAAD Alter All DataAAO Add And OverflowAAR Alter At RandomAB Add BackwardsABC AlphaBetize CodeABR Add Beyond RangeACC Advance CPU ClockACDC Allow Controller to Delete ContentsACDP Allow Controller to Die PeacefullyACQT Advance Clock to Quitting TimeADB Another Dumb BugAEE Absolve Engineering ErrorsAFF Add Fudge FactorAFHB Align Fullword on Halfword BoundaryAFP Abnormalize Floating PointAFR Abort Funny RoutineAFVC Add Finagle's Variable ConstantAGB Add GarBageAGWA Add and Get Wrong AnswerAI Add ImproperAIB Attack Innocent BystanderAIB Attack Innocent BystandersAISG Access and Improve Student GradeAMM Add Mayo and MustardAMM Answer My MailAMS Add Memory to SystemANC ANnoy ConsultantAOI Annoy Operator ImmediateAR Advance RudelyAR Alter RealityARN Add and Reset to Non-zeroARN Add and Reset to NonzeroARZ Add and Reset to ZeroAS Add SidewaysASQGSA ASCII Stupid Question, Get a Stupid ANSIAT Accumulate TriviaAWP Argue With ProgrammerAWTT Assemble With Tinker ToysBA Branch more...
"Winterize your lawn," the big sign outside the garden store commanded. I've fed it, watered it, mowed it, raked it and watched a lot of it die anyway. Now I'm supposed to winterize it? I hope it's too late. Grass lawns have to be the stupidest thing we've come up with outside of thong swimsuits! We constantly battle dandelions, Queen Anne's lace, thistle, violets, chicory and clover that thrive naturally, so we can grow grass that must be nursed through an annual four-step chemical dependency.
Imagine the conversation The Creator might have with St. Francis about this: "Frank you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there in the Midwest? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracted butterflies, honey bees and flocks of more...