Producers Jokes

On the first day of Christmas my CNN Anchor showed to me
A Lap Top on the news desk.
On the 2nd day of Christmas, my CNN Anchor gave to me,
2 Microphones;
and A Lap Top on the news desk.
On the 3rd day of Christmas, my CNN Anchor gave to me,
3 Telephones;
2 Microphones;
and A Lap Top on the news desk.
On the 4th day of Christmas, my CNN Anchor gave to me,
4 Teleprompters;
3 Telephones;
2 Microphones;
and A Lap Top on the news desk.
On the 5th day of Christmas, my CNN Anchor gave to me,
5 Camera Men.....
4 Teleprompters;
3 Telephones;
2 Microphones;
and A Lap Top on the news desk.
On the 6th day of Christmas, my CNN Anchor gave to me,
6 Field Producers;
5 Camera Men.....
4 Teleprompters;
3 Telephones;
2 Microphones;
and A Lap Top on the news desk.
On the 7th day of Christmas, my CNN Anchor gave to me,
7 Perky Reporters;
6 Field more...

In The News - Edited Excerpts from the LA Times
Includes one Leno quote
WARNING - may be offensive to Los Angelenos, horses, Yugo drivers
Congratulations to 17 year old Kim Rhode of El Monte, California, for winning the gold medal in trap shooting. You don't go to school in the LA area without learning to be a good shot. (Leno)
Turkey's tiny Nalm Suleymanoglu, the man they call the "Pocket Hercules", won his third gold in weightlifting. He has a brother who's an accountant, called the "Pocket Calculator".
Just to give you an idea of how cramped and tight things are in Atlanta, athletes are complaining they can't get around the Olympic Village, can't get around Atlanta, can't get around drug testing...
Children's TV producers have a meeting at the White House on Monday, which seems rather fitting - the 1996 election looks like Sesame Street and we have to choose between Cookie Monster and Oscar the Grouch.
The GOP is buying time on the more...

The recent announcement that Mattel and the producers of "Baywatch"have joined forces to create Baywatch Barbie came as no surprise. After all, both companies have made millions off airheads withflawless skins, Malibu tans, and synthetic breasts. If Baywatch Barbie sells well, other Barbie/TV tie-ins seem certainto follow. Some possibilities: Melrose Place Barbie: Comes complete with her Barbie Dream Apartment, where Skipper and the rest of the gang live rent-free. Other accessoriesinclude a bottle of vodka, silk sheets and an arrest warrant. Dr. Barbie, Medicine Woman: This helpful doll offers other homesteadersimportant tips like what conditioner to use out on the Plains and how totake care of their nails while shoeing a horse. America's Most Wanted Barbie: She's on the run after 30 years of crimeagainst feminism. Oprah Barbie: Push a button on her back and this Barbie actually speaks! Hold your very own talk show with topics like how tough math class is, Ballerina more...

Q: How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Executive Producers dont screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.

There’s a big conference of beer producers. At the end of the day, all of the presidents of all beer companies decide to have a drink in a bar. The president of ‘Budweiser’ orders a Bud, the president of ‘Miller’ orders a Miller Lite, Adolph Coors orders a Coors, and the list goes on. Then the waitress asks Arthur Guinness what he wants to drink, and much to everybody’s amazement, Mr. Guinness orders a Coke! “Why don’t you order a Guinness? ” his colleagues ask. “Naah. If you guys won’t drink beer, than neither will I. ”