Prior Jokes / Recent Jokes
Staten Island contractor, Procofacio Unscrupulata, age 62, of 69 Grotto Boulevard, South Beach, died yesterday from injuries received in the collapse of a building he was inspecting prior to sale at a public auction.
Born in Monte Marrona, Sicily, Unscrupulata was brought into this country at the age of 11 by his parents, Regurgito and Nauseatta Unscrupulata. Prior to his untimely demise, Unscrupulata was the president of the Negligenta Construction Company, which he founded with his late brother, Devio. Before his association with the Negligenta Construction Company, Unscrupulata worked for the Profuso Cesspool Cleaning and Catering Company. He is survived by his wife, Inconsolata: their sons, Retardo, Cretio and Imbecillio; daughters Ovaria, Fallopia, and Clitoria: two sisters, Mrs. Hysteria Psicosi and Mrs. Mammaria Pendulosa: a half-brother, Prolifico Fornicata and 14 grandchildren, all of the Grotto Boulevard address.
Active for many years in community affairs, more...
The story behind this joke:... There's this nutball who digs things out his back yard and sends the stuff he finds to the Smithsonian Institute, labeling them with scientific names, insisting that they are actual archeological finds. The really weird thing about these letters is that this guy really exists and does this in his spare time! Paleoanthropology DivisionSmithsonian Institute207 Pennsylvania AvenueWashington, DC 20078Dear Sir: Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled "211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post. Hominid skull." We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents "conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago. "Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be the "Malibu more...
Copied from Ann Lander's Column:
Landers: Santa's `official' visit has special Claus in military directives.
DEAR Ann Landers: I found this on the Internet and thought it was a hoot. I hope you will print it for Christmas. -- Steve Online
Dear Steve: Although the Internet has attracted an amazing amount of garbage, it has also made a great deal of valuable information available to millions of people. Thanks for your charming contribution. Here it is:
This in from retired Air Force Brig. Gen. Bob Clements. Please read.
To: All Retired Military Personnel
Subject: Official Command Visit
This office has been informed of an official visit by Gen. Santa Claus to this base on 25 December. The following directives will govern activities of personnel during this visit: No creatures will stir without official permission. This will include all native mice. Special stirring permits will be obtained through the orderly room.
Personnel will settle their more...
A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? Its crowded & dirty and full of Italians. Youre crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?""Were taking TWA," was the reply. "We got a great rate!""TWA?" exclaimed the barber. "Thats a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and theyre always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?""Well be at the downtown International Marriott.""That dump! Thats the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is surly and theyre overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?""Were going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope.""Thats rich," laughed the barber. "You and a million other people trying to see him. Hell look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. Youre more...
A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded & dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?" "We're taking TWA," was the reply. "We got a great rate!" "TWA?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?" "We'll be at the downtown International Marriott." "That dump! That's the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?" "We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope." "That's rich," laughed the barber. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip more...