Transportation Jokes

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    CAT User's Manual

    Hot 6 years ago

    CAT v.6.1b: Completely Autonomous Tester, Manufactured by MOMCAT
    User Installation and Maintenance Documentation:
    Features:
    User Friendly
    Low Power CPU
    Self Portable Operation
    Dual Video and Audio Input
    Audio Output
    Auto Search Capability for Input Data
    Auto Search for Output Bin
    Auto Learn Program in ROM
    Instant Transition To Energy Saving Standby Mode When Not In Use
    Wide Operating Temperature Range
    Mouse Driven
    Self Cleaning
    Production Details:
    After basic KIT construction, the unit undergoes six weeks of
    onsite ROM programming and burn-in testing. Listed features are
    installed during this period. Since MOMCAT uses local suppliers,
    there may be a variation between individual units. Some of the
    units may not meet general standards. MOMCAT's quality assurance
    may reject inferior units. Users may sometimes salvage rejected
    units. Beware of Far East clones. These may violate more...

    Letter to the Railroad

    Hot 1 week ago

    Gentlemen: I have been riding trains daily for the last two years,
    and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day. I
    am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip. I
    think the transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by people
    2,000 years ago.
    Yours truly, A Commuter Dear Sir: We received your letter with
    reference to the shortcomings of our service and believe you are
    somewhat confused in your history. The only mode of transportation
    2,000 years ago was by foot. Sincerely, The Railroad Gentlemen:
    I am in receipt of your letter, and I think you are the ones who are
    confused in your history. If you will refer to the Bible, Book of
    David, 9th Chapter, you will find that Balaam rode to town on his
    ass. That, gentlemen, is something I have not been able to do on
    your train in the last two years.
    Your truly, A Commuter

    New Horse

    Hot 3 years ago

    Here are two versions of the same story-
    A certain man was passing through a small town and wanted to upgrade his mode of transportation. So he looked all around this small town he was in and found that the only place he could buy a faster means of transportation was at the local monastery. They had a horse for sale there for quite a deal. When the man was leaving the monastery with his new horse the monk that was sold him the horse said "Now all you have to remember is- When you want the horse to move all you need to say is 'Hallelujah' and when you want it to stop say 'Amen.'" The man then gave the monk a half acknowledged nod and continued on his way.
    After several miles the man sneezed and spooked the horse. The horse started running faster and faster. Then the man noticed a cliff ahead of him and stared to panic and said a prayer when the traveler said "Amen" the horse stopped right on the edge of the cliff. Then the man shouted and Praised God saying more...

    The Brits

    Hot 9 months ago

    This wind-up article appeared recently in an American magazine. It was taken seriously by a lot of people...

    MONEY
    The Brits have peculiar words for many things. Money is referred to as "goolies" in slang, so you should for instance say "I'd love to come to the pub but I haven't got any goolies." "Quid" is the modern word for what was once called a "shilling" - the equivalent of seventeen cents American.

    MAKING FRIENDS
    If you are fond of someone, you should tell him he is a "great tosser"- he will be touched. The English are a notoriously tactile, demonstrative people, and if you want to fit in you should hold hands with your acquaintances and tossers when you walk down the street.

    CUSTOMS
    Since their Labour government whole heartedly embraced full union with Europe the Brits have been attempting to adopt certain continental customs, such as the large midday meal followed by a two or more...

    All workers please be advised of the following changes to the travel policy.MemorandumTo: All EmployeesFrom: HeadquartersSubject: Business Travel Policy GuidelinesDate: June 16, 2000Due to fiscal constraints, the following corporate policies are announced regarding employees on travel for official business. The purpose of these policies is to save money, thereby decreasing overhead.TransportationIf commercial transportation must be utilized, the lowest cost tickets will be purchased. Airline tickets will only be authorized for purchase in extreme circumstances and, the lowest fares will be used. If, for example, a meeting with a customer is scheduled in Seattle, but a lower fare can be obtained by traveling to Detroit, then travel to Detroit will be substituted for travel to Seattle. Bus transportation will be utilized whenever possible.Hitchhiking in lieu of commercial transport is strictly encouraged. Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their departure more...

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