Pope Jokes / Recent Jokes

When this guy heard that the Pope was coming to town, he wentout and bought a tuxedo in the hope that the Pope might noticehim on the parade route. When he went to the parade, there wasthis bum standing next to him, with old, dirty clothes on. Thethe guy's amazement, when the Pope came, he went over to thebum, and whispered something in his ear. Enraged, the guy wentover to the bum and offered him $100 for the clothes off hisback. Next day, he went back to the parade dressed like a bum. Sure enough, when the Pope came, he stopped in front of thisguy, and whispered in his ear, "I thought I told you to getthe hell out of here!"

The Pope and Queen Elizabeth were standing on a balcony beaming at thousands of people in the forecourt below. The Queen says to the Popeout of the corner of her mouth, "I bet you a tenner that I can makeevery English person in the crowd go wild with just a wave of my hand." The Pope says, "No way. You can't do that." The Queen says, "Watch this." So the Queen waves her hand and every English person in the crowd goes crazy, waving their little plastic Union Jacks on sticks and cheering, basically going ballistic. So the Pope is standing there thinking, "Uh oh, what am I going to do? I never thought she'd be able to do it." So he thinks to himself for a minute and then he turns to her and says,"I bet you I can make every Irish person in the crowd go wild, not just now, but for the rest of the week, with just one nod of my head." The Queen goes, "No way, it can't be done." So the Pope headbutts her.

Bush, Jean Chretien, the Pope and an eight year old girl are in a plane. Suddenly, the pilot says that plane has some malfunctions and they have to jump out. There were only three parachutes so Bush grabs one, puts it on and says "I am an important person, the American people depend on me!" and jumped. Jean Chretien picks one up and says "I am an important person, the Canadian people depend on me!" and jumped. The Pope turns to the little girl and says "You jump. I have lived my life!" But the little girl says "We can both jump, Jean Chretien jumped with my backpack!"

Kuttappan was bragging to his boss one day, “You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them. ”
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff,
“OK, Kuttappan how about Tom Cruise? ”
“Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it. ”
So Kuttappan and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts, “Babu! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch! ”
Although impressed, Kuttappan’s boss is still skeptical.
After they leave Cruise’s house, he tells Kuttappan that he thinks Kuttappan’s knowing Cruise was just lucky.
“No, no, just name anyone else”, Kuttappan says.
“President Bush, ” his boss quickly retorts.
“Yes, ” Kuttappan says, “I know him, let’s fly out to Washington. ”
And off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Kuttappan on the tour and motions him and his more...

All polar bears are left handed.
Ten percent of the human population is left handed.
In conclusion, ten percent of the human population are polar bears.
The pope is one.
I am one.
In conclusion, I must be the pope.

The Pope met with his cardinals to discuss a proposal from Benjamin Netanyahu, the leader of Israel.
â??Your Holiness,â?? said one of the Cardinals, â??Mr. Netanyahu wants to challenge you to a game of golf to show the friendship and ecumenical spirit shared by the Jewish and Catholic faiths.â??
The Pope thought it was a good idea, but he had never held a golf club in his hand, â??Have we not,â?? he asked, â??a cardinal who can represent me against the leader of Israel?â??
â??None that plays golf very well,â?? a cardinal said. â??But,â?? he added, â??there is a man named Jack Nicklaus, an American golfer who is a devout Catholic. We can offer to make him a cardinal, then ask him to play Benjamin Netanyahu as your personal representative. In addition to showing our spirit of cooperation, weâ??ll also win the match.â??
Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made. Of course Nicklaus was honored and agreed to play. The day after the match, more...

A guy named Benny is sitting in a bar mouthing off that he knows everybody. So his buddy bets $10 the next person to walk in the bar didn't know him. Somebody walks in the bar and says "Hey Benny what's up?" so the guy then bets him $100 he doesn't know the first person they see outside walking down the street. So they go outside and see some coming up to the bar and says "Hey Benny how are things going?". Flustered the guy bets him $500 he doesn't know the President. So they drive up to the white house and the security guard says "Benny you know you can't just show up here like this." Then a limo pulls up with the president in it and he rolls down the window and says "Hey Benny how have you been?" So then he bets him $1000 he doesn't know the Pope. So they take a plane down to Rome and he says" Ok now watch up there on that balcony I'm gonna come out there with the Pope." So he goes up there and looks down to see his friend pass out. more...