A Scotsman clad in a kilt walks up to the counter in an Apothecary. From
his pocket he takes a plaid condom that has been heavily used, torn, patched,
sewn, and is currently split down one side. He asks the proprietor, "How much
to replace this, Ian?" The proprietor says, "Why, Angus, that'll be four pence."
Then the Scotsman asks, "How much to repair?" The prop. looks the condom over
carefully, and says, "Three pence to repair." The Scotsman ponders for a moment,
then says, "I'll be back."
Later in the day, the Scotsman returns with a smile on his face and says,
"Ian, the Regiment has voted to repair!"
A Scottish private walks into the pharmacy near his bases, pulls abeat-up, mutilated condom out of his pocket, and asks the pharmacist howmuch it would cost to repair the condom. The pharmacist replied that including replacing the band and spotwelding the holes, it would cost 26 pence, but that for 29 pence, hecould sell the private a new one. The private said, "Aye, that is a weighty decision, I shall be back intwo hours with an answer." Two hours later, The Scotsman returns and says:"The regiment has voted to replace."
It seems a man in Balham, South London decided to write a book about churches, mosques and synagogues around the country. He started by driving to Scotland and started working south from there.
He went to a very large church and began taking pictures. He spots a golden telephone on a wall and is intrigued with a sign that reads;
Teacher: If you found five pence in one pocket and ten pence in the other, what would you have?
Willy: Somebody else's trousers.
How did you do it?
Young David asked his rich grandfather, Paul, how he had made his money. Paul said, "Well, David, it was 1955, and I was down to my last five pence. I went to the local market and invested that five pence in a large apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten pence." "The next morning, I invested the ten pence in two large apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and I sold them at 5pm for twenty pence. I continued this system for a month. Then Grandma’s father died and left us two million pounds."