Oath Jokes / Recent Jokes

You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man ofyour background, sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand. "If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.

Obama will take the oath of office using Lincoln’s Inaugural Bible. He also intends to eat his first presidential meal using Washington's wooden teeth.
No word on whether afterwards he will smoke one of Clinton's cigars.

RENOWNED wit was Cardinal Hinsley who did not suffer from a sense of modesty.
Cardinal Hinsley was once called upon to give evidence in a court case. To impress the jury, the defence counsel asked if he was the leader of the English Catholics.
"That's right,' said the cardinal.
'In fact you are the Prince of the Church of Rome?'
'Correct.'
'One of the greatest scholars, not only in England, but also in the world?'
'True.'
'A brilliant man in every way?'
'Yes.'
Later a friend reproached the cardinal.' You weren't very humble today, were you?'
The cardinal smiled,' True,' he said,' but what could I do? I was on oath.'

1) When you are sad... I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the scum sucking bastard who made you sad.

2) When you are scared... I will laugh at you and tease you about it every chance I get.

3) When you are worried... I will tell you how much worse it could be and to quit complaining.

4) When you are confused... I will use little words to explain it to your dumb ass.

5) When you are lost... I will answer my cell phone and give you directions.

6) When you are sick... I will hold your hair while you pay homage to the porcelain god, and hand you a paper towel to wipe your mouth.

7) When you fall... I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

This is my oath... I pledge till the end. Why? Because you're my friend.

"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man ofyour background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand. "If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.

An old lady had always wanted to travel abroad. Now that she was getting on in years, she thought she would really like to do so before she died.
But until now, she'd never even been out of the country. So she began by going in person to the Passport Office and asking how long it would take to have one issued.
"You must take the loyalty oath first," responded the passport clerk. "Raise your right hand, please."
The old gal raised her right hand.
"Do you swear to defend the Constitution of this country against all its enemies, domestic or foreign?" was the first question.
The little old lady's face paled and her voice trembled as she asked in a small voice, "Uhhh... all by myself ?"

The slick defense lawyer was drilling the star witness, in an attempt to ruffle the mans feathers, and secure his own case. He began egging him on.
"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background" the lawyer sneered.
The witness replied,
"If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment."