Oath Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    "You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand.
    "If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.

    A young man who had just recently joined the Marines had lost his rifle on the day before a big inspection by a visiting general. However, being very adept at woodcarving, he set about making a replacement. The paint had just dried when it was time for the inspection. He prayed that his fake would not be inspected too closely.
    When his platoon was told to fire in unison, he made all the right motions and figured no one would notice, but the visiting general happened to be looking right at him and saw that no smoke came from the gun.
    The general came over and said, "Soldier, you didn't fire your gun. This is an official inspection. You were to fire the gun and then dismantle it for my personal inspection."
    The young man was horror stricken but only for a moment and then he replied, "Sir, today is the anniversary of the day that my father died. On his deathbed, he made me promise never to fire a gun on this day. I have kept that oath and I can not fire the more...

    Heard this from a friend:
    A middle-class man decides to go off and join a monastery which
    requires an oath of silence. No speech is allowed except for
    two words every 5 years, to sum up one's experiences to the head
    monk.
    After the first 5 years, the monk asked him what two words described
    his experiences and all he said was "HARD BEDS."
    When the next 5 year period came, the monk asked how things were
    and he replied "BAD FOOD."
    After 5 more years, he walked up to the monk and said, "I QUIT!"
    The monk nodded and muttered "Yes, this doesn't surprise me.
    You've been doing nothing but complaining for the past 15 years!"

    You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man ofyour background, sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand. "If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.

    Obama will take the oath of office using Lincoln’s Inaugural Bible. He also intends to eat his first presidential meal using Washington's wooden teeth.
    No word on whether afterwards he will smoke one of Clinton's cigars.

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