I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I
turned around and walked back out and never went back My husband didn't
say a word...
he knew better.
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works
at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked
at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the
boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just
looking at your nuts." My sister started to more...
I couldn't work out whether to laugh or be offended by some of these!
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ENGLISH
1.Two World Wars and One World Cup, doo-dah doo-dah.
3.You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket.
4.You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events
5.Union jack underpants.
6.Water shortages guaranteed every single summer
7.You can live in the past and imagine you are still a world power.
8.Bathing once a week-whether you need to or not.
9.Ditto changing underwear
10.Beats being Welsh.
10a. Or Scottish
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING FRENCH
1.When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay.
2.Experience the joy of winning the world cup for the first time.
3.You get to eat insect food like snails and frog's legs.
4.If there's a war you can surrender really early.
5.You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night films on SBS
6.You can more...
A guy walked into a bar one day and noticed a jar full of money on the counter.
He asked the bartender what it was for and the bartender replied that if he could go into the back and make the donkey laugh, he could have that jar of money.
So the guy walks in the back and a few minutes he comes out with the donkey laughing his head off. He gets his money and walks out.
The next day the same guy went to the same bar and noticed another jar of money sitting on the counter. The bartender, when asked, said that if he could go in the back and make the donkey cry, he could have that jar of money.
So the guy goes in the back and about 5 minutes later comes out with the donkey crying huge tears.
As the guy was about to leave, the bartender stopped him and asked him how he made the donkey laugh and cry.
The guy replied: The first time I told him I had a bigger pecker then he did, and the second time I proved it.
A guy walks into a tavern. There's a horse tending the bar, and on the counter behind the horse is a goldfish bowl full of 5 dollar bills.
The guy asks the man next to him, "What the hell is going on?"
The man says, "We have a contest going. You put a 5 dollar bill in the goldfish bowl, and if you make the horse laugh, you win all the money!"
The guy goes behind the bar, puts a 5 dollar bill in the goldfish bowl, whispers something to the horse, and the horse cracks up. The guy takes all the money out of the bowl and leaves the bar.
A few months later, he walks into the tavern again. The horse is still tending bar, but now the goldfish bowl is filled with 10 dolalr bills.
The guy asks, "Well, what's the contest now?"
The same man answers, "You have to make the horse cry!"
The guy goes behind the bar, puts a 10 dollar bill in the goldfish bowl, and leads the horse out the back door.
A few minutes later, they walk more...
A man goes into his doctors office and he seems very nervous.
The doctor says "what is wrong?"
The patient says "I can't tell you unless you promise not to laugh"
Doctor "I have been a doctor for 30 years and I have never once laughed at a patient"
Patient "well I guess you won't laugh but I will have to show you what is wrong"
"Ok lets take a look" the doctor replies
The man proceeds to pull down his pants to reveal the smallest penis the doctor had ever seen. Try as he might not to laugh the doctor is soon rolling around the floor laughing.
After a few minutes the doctor regains his composure and apologizes to his patient.
"I am so sorry that has never happened before, so what seems to be the problem"
To which the patient replies "Well isn't it obvious doc?.. IT"S ALL SWELLED UP!!"