Nurses Jokes / Recent Jokes

Because 24 hours isnt enough, the Emergency Nurses Association is proud to announce that we have officially extended Emergency Nurses Day on October 10, 2001 to an entire week-October 7 - 13, 2001.
MEMO TO ALL EMS PERSONNEL
To: All EMS Personnel
From: Chief of Operations
Subject: Proper Narrative Descriptions
It has come to our attention from several emergency rooms that many EMS narratives have taken a decidedly creative direction lately. Effective immediately, all members are to refrain from using slang and abbreviations to describe patients, such as the following.
Cardiac patients should not be referred to as suffering from MUH (messed up heart), PBS (pretty bad shape), PCL (pre-code looking) or HIBGIA (had it before, got it again). Stroke patients are NOT "Charlie Carrots." Nor are rescuers to use CCFCCP(Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs) to describe their mental state. Trauma patients are not CATS (cut all to sh*t), FDGB (fall down, go boom), TBC more...

One evening a family brings their frail, elderly other to a nursing home and leave her, hoping she will be well cared for.
The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to fall over sideways in her chair.

Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning.
Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. They ask, "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you good?"
"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart!"

One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother toa nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well caredfor. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her atasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a windowoverlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems OK, but aftera while she slowly starts to fall over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her andstraighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while shestarts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back andonce more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjustingto her new home." So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" They ask." It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart"

A family took their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and left her, hoping she would be well cared for.
The next morning, the nurses bathed her, fed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt sideways in her chair.
Two attentive nurses immediately rushed up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt over to her other side.
The nurses rushed back and once more brought her back upright. This went on all morning.
Later, the family arrived to see how the old woman was adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?"
"It's pretty nice," she replied. "Except they won't let me fart."

A family took their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and left
her, hoping she would be well cared for.
The next morning, the nurses bathed her, fed her a tasty breakfast,
and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.
She seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt sideways
in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rushed up to catch her
and straighten her up.
Again she seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt
over to her other side. The nurses rushed back and once more brought
her back upright. This went on all morning.
Later, the family arrived to see how the old woman was adjusting to
her new home.
"So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?"
"It's pretty nice," she replied. "Except they won't let me fart."

One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leave her, hoping she will be well cared for.

The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.
She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to fall over sideways in her chair.

Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning.

Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. They ask, "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you good?"

"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart!"

Nurses are complaining about a new restaurant that features waitresses in skimpy nurse uniforms. "Nurses are the most sexually fantasized-about profession," said Sandy Summers, executive director of the Center for Nursing Advocacy. "We're asking people to move these sexual fantasies to other professionals, like executive directors with porno names."