Mail Jokes / Recent Jokes

10. I will not buy magazines with AOL disks bound in just to get another 1.44MB disk.

9. I will stop sending email to my roommate/spouse.

8. I resolve to work with neglected children. .. my own.

7. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm I answer my email.

6. When I subscribe to a newsgroup or mailing list, I will read all the mail I get from it.

5. I will stay on the computer as long as I want. What? OK, dear. .. I'm coming. Never mind.

4. No more downloads from alt.binaries.

3. I resolve to back up my new 10GB hard drive daily. .. well, once a week. .. monthly, perhaps. ..

2. I will spend less than one hour a day on the Net.

1. I won't try to get onto the Netscape ftp site as soon as a new Navigator beta comes out.

0. When I hear "Where do you want to go today?" I won't reply "MS Tech Support."

-1. I will read the more...

Season's Greetings,
The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced, and about other restructuring decisions at the North Pole.
Streamlining was appropriate in view of the reality that the North Pole no longer dominates the season's gift distribution business. Home shopping channels and mail order catalogues have diminished Santa's market share and he could not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit picture.
The reindeer downsizing was made possible through the purchase of a late model Japanese sled for the CEO's annual trip. Improved productivity from Dasher and Dancer, who summered at the Harvard Business School, is anticipated and should take up the slack with no discernible loss of service. Reduction in reindeer will also lessen airborne environmental emissions for which the North Pole has been cited and received unfavourable more...

10. Never walk without a document -- People with documents look like hardworking employees headed to important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're headed for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're headed for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you really do.
9. Use computers to look busy -- Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about, but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss -- and you will get caught -- your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training dollars.
8. more...

One day A Blonde girl was running out to check her mail and a neighbor was watching. 5 minutes later she checked it again this happened all through the day till the neighbor went outside and stopped her and asked her why she kept looking in her mail box and her reply was." My computer keeps telling me I have mail!"

A 27-year-old man described as one of the world's most prolific spammers was arrested Wednesday. Authorities described him as a horny single in your area with a 12 inch penis with hundreds of Ebay success kits, free surveys with easy cash advance and credit boosting techniques. He has been placed in prison with the arduous task of reading every spam mail on his account without the benefit of a Bulk Mail folder.

Log on - Make the wood stove hotter
Log off - Don't add no more wood
Monitor - Keep an eye on that wood stove
Download - Getting the firewood off the truck
Floppy disk - What you get from trying to carry too much firewood
Ram - The thing that splits the firewood
Hard drive - Getting home in the winter
Prompt - What the mail ain't in the winter
Window - What to shut when it's cold outside
Screen - What to shut in black fly season
Byte - What the black flies do
Bit - What the black flies did
Mega Byte - What the BIG black flies do chip Munchies for TV
Micro Chip - What's left in the bag after you eat the chips
Modem - What you did to the hay fields
Dot matrix - Old Dan Matrix's wife
Lap top - Where the kitty sleeps
Software - The dumb plastic knives & forks they give you at McDonalds
Hardware - The real stainless steel cutlery.
Mouse - What eats grain in the barn
Main frame - What holds the barn up
Enter more...

Here is a list of thing that may help your life in this compex world of ours.
1. If you're bidding on a job for UPS, don't send your bid by FedEx.
2. If your computer says, "Printer out of Paper," this problem cannot be resolved by
continuously clicking the "OK" button.
3. If you want your refrigerator's ice maker to work, you need to hook it to a water
source. Air doesn't make good ice unless it is mixed with water.
4. No matter how much data you add to your laptop, it will not get heavier.
5. A bad place to store your emergency backup diskette is on the underside of your desk
drawer, secured by a large magnet.
6. It's okay to use the Polaroid Land Camera on a boat.
7. When the PC says, "Insert diskette #2," don't do it immediately. Remove disk #1 first,
even if you're sure you can make them both fit in there.
8. When your PC says "You have mail," don't go to the company mail room and more...