Mail Jokes

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    You've Got Mail

    Hot 2 years ago

    A blonde went out to her mail box and looked in, closed the door and went back in the house. A few minutes later she went out and looked in the mail box again.
    She did this several times and her neighbor that was watching her said: "You must be expecting a very important letter today the way you keep looking into your mail box."
    The blonde answered, "No, I am working on my computer and it keeps telling me that I have mail."

    prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "Dear
    Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the
    back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"
    The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read
    all mail, replied in a letter: "Dear Wife, whatever
    you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where
    I hid all the money."
    A week or so later, he received another letter from
    his wife: "Dear Husband, You wouldn't believe
    what happened, some men came with shovels to the house,
    and dug up the entire back garden."
    The prisoner wrote another letter back: "Dear
    wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."

    Always walk with a document in your hands:
    People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria. Those with a newspaper in their hands look like they're heading for the bathroom. Above all, make certain you carry loads of stuff home with you at night. This will generate the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.
    Use computers to look busy:
    Any time you use a computer, it looks like 'work' to the casual observer. You can send/receive personal email, chat and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These are not exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about but they aren't bad either. When you get caught by the boss, and you *will* get caught, your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable more...

    I will not buy magazines with AOL disks bound in just to get another 1.44MB disk.
    I will stop sending email to my roommate.
    I resolve to work with neglected children... my own.
    I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm I answer my email.
    When I subscribe to a news group or mailing list, I will read all the mail I get from it.
    I will stay on the computer as long as I want. What? OK, dear... I'm coming. Never mind.
    No more downloads from alt.binaries.*
    I resolve to back up my new 2 GB hard drive daily... well, once a week... monthly, perhaps...
    I will spend less than one hour a day on the Net.
    I won't try to get onto the Netscape web site as soon as a new Navigator beta comes out.
    When I hear "Where do you want to go today?" I won't reply "MS Tech Support."
    I will read the manual.
    I will think of a password other than "password."
    I will limit my top ten lists to ten items.

    Stop neglecting children; at least learn their names and birthdays.
    Stop circulating the "Good Times Virus" and "Join the Crew" e-mail.
    Read all of the mail from all of the lists I have subscribed to.
    Limit my subscriptions of lists to a maximum of fifty.
    Back-up 4 gig hard drive weekly; well, maybe at least monthly.
    Not rush to any ftp site as soon as I hear of a new Beta.
    Insist that all "ten best" lists be strictly limited to ten.
    Not buy magazines with AOL disks just to get another 1.44MB disk.
    Answer Snail Mail with the same enthusiasm & promptness as e-mail.
    Spend less than two hours a day on the Web; on new sites anyway.
    Try the e-mail version of the Mrs. Fields cookie recipe.
    Promise when I hear "Where do you want to go today?", I won't laugh. (Well, maybe not!)
    Think of a password other than "password" to use on web sites.
    Never "throw" another snowball via e-mail; more...

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