Lost Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blonde and a brunette were watching the 11:00 pm news. The currentnews story was about a man up on a ledge and threatening to jump, when the station cuts to a commercial.Brunette: I bet you $20 he's going to jump.Blonde: OK.(Back to newscast: He jumped!)Blonde: OK. I lost. Here's my $20 to you.Brunette: No, that was too easy. I can't take it.Blonde: I insist. I lost.Brunette: I have a confession to make. I saw the same thing on the6:00pm news and I knew he jumped. So it wasn't really a good bet.Blonde: I know. I saw the same newscast at 6 too. But I didn't think he would be stupid enough to jump TWICE!.

A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost.He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below.He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.""You must be an engineer," said the balloonist."I am," replied the woman. "How did you know?""Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."The woman below responded, "You must be in management." "I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," said the woman, "you more...

WILE E. COYOTE, Plaintiff v. s. THE ACME COMPANY, INC., Defendant In the United States District Court, Southwestern District, Tempe, Arizona Case No. B191294, Judge Joan Kujava, Presiding Plaintiff, Mr. Wiley E. Coyote, a resident of Arizona and contiguous states, does hereby bring suit for damages against the Acme Company, manufacturer and retail distributor of assorted merchandise, incorporated in Delaware and doing business in every state, district and territory. Mr. Coyote seeks compensation for personal injuries, loss of business income, and mental suffering caused as a direct result the actions and/or gross negligence of said company, under Title 15 of the United States Code, Chapter 47, section 2072, subsection (a), relating to product liability. Mr. Coyote states that on eighty-five separate occasions he has purchased of the Acme Company (hereinafter, "Defendant"), through that company's mail-order department, certain products which did cause him bodily injury due to more...

During the bustle of holiday shopping at the mall, a lady lost her handbag. Fortunately, an honest little boy found it, and returned it to her.
Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmmm... that's strange. When I lost my purse, there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills."
The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."

A blonde and a brunette were watching the 11:00 pm news. The current
news story was about a man up on a ledge and threatening to jump, when the station cuts to a commercial.
Brunette: I bet you $20 he's going to jump.
Blonde: OK.
(Back to newscast: He jumped!)
Blonde: OK. I lost. Here's my $20 to you.
Brunette: No, that was too easy. I can't take it.
Blonde: I insist. I lost.
Brunette: I have a confession to make. I saw the same thing on the
6:00pm news and I knew he jumped. So it wasn't really a good bet.
Blonde: I know. I saw the same newscast at 6 too. But I didn't think he would be stupid enough to jump TWICE!.

A blonde and a brunette were watching the 11:00pm news. The current news story was about a man up on a ledge and threatening to jump, when the station cuts to a commercial.
Brunette: I bet you $20 he's going to jump.
Blonde: OK.
(Back to newscast: He jumped!)
Blonde: OK. I lost. Here's my $20 to you.
Brunette: No, that was too easy. I can't take it.
Blonde: I insist. I lost.
Brunette: I have a confession to make. I saw the same thing on the 6:00 p.m. news and I knew he jumped. So it wasn't really a good bet.
Blonde: I know, I saw the same newscast at 6 too. But I didn't think he'd be stupid enough to jump TWICE!

After 40 years of marriage, Jimmy decides to leave Katherine.
She starts crying and then asks, "How can you do this, Jimmy? How can you just walk out? The first year we were together, you caught pneumonia and almost died! Who sat by your bed and nursed you back to health? Me!
And when you lost half your family in the terrible car crash, who kept you going and kept your spirits up? Me!
And when our kids grew up and ran away from home, who sat with you can comforted you? Me!
And when you lost everything last year in the fire at the store, who stayed at your side the whole time? Me!
How could you leave me, Jimmy? You've been through everything with me."
Jimmy replies, "That's just the problem, Katherine! You're just fucking bad luck!"