Lisa Jokes / Recent Jokes

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Lisa!
Lisa who?
Lisa a new car from $199 down and $199 a month!

Teacher:Can anyone tell me what a shamrock is?
Jimmy:It's a fake diamond, Miss.
What's the longest piece of furniture in the school?
The multiplication table.
'Why are you crying, Amanda?'asked the teacher.
'Cos Jenny's broken my new doll, Miss,' she cried.
'How did she do that?'
'I hit her on the head with it.'
The night-school teacher asked one of his pupils when he had last sat an exam.'1945'said the lad.
'Good lord! That's more than 50 years ago.'
'No, Sir! An a hour and a half ago. It's quarter past nine now.'
What is the most popular sentence at school?
I don't know!
Teacher: 'Are you good at arithmetic?'
Hal: 'Well, yes and no.'
Teacher: 'What do you mean, yes and no?'
Hal: 'Yes, I'm no good at arithmetic.'
Science teacher: 'Lisa, can you tell me one substance that conducts electricity?'
Lisa: 'Why, er...'
Science teacher: 'Wire is correct.'
When is a yellow school book not a yellow school more...

A Geography teacher stands in front of a map of the world. Geography Teacher: Tony, can you tell me where in the world America is placed on this map? Tony shows him America. Geography Teacher: Now, Lisa, can you tell me the name of the guy who discovered America? Lisa: Tony did!!

Teacher: If you stood with your back to the north and faced due south, what would be on your left hand?
Lisa: Fingers

Lisa came up behind her husband while he was drinking his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head."Ow!" Larry exclaimed. "What was that for?""I found a piece of paper in your pants with the name' Mary Lou' written on it," she said angrily. "You better have a good explanation!""Calm down, honey," Larry said. "I was at the dog track last week and that was the name of the dog I bet on."Later that same day, Lisa walked up to her husband and smacked him hard on the forehead when he walked in the door from work."What the heck was that for?" he demanded."Your dog just called."