Lighter Jokes / Recent Jokes

If a light sleeper sleeps lighter with the light on, does a hard sleeper sleep harder with a hard on?

Sven & Olaf were fishing one day when Sven pulled out a cigar. Finding he had no matches, he asked Olaf for a light.
'Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter', he replied.
Then reaching into his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long.
Yiminy Cricket!' exclaimed Sven, taking the huge Bic Lighter in his hands. Vere dit yew git dat monster??'
Vell', replied Olaf,' I got it from my Genie'
'You haff a Genie?' Sven asked.
'Ya, shure, it's right here in my tackle box, says Olaf.
Could I see him?' asked Sven.
Olaf opens his tackle box & sure enough, out pops the Genie.
Addressing the Genie, Sven says,' Hey dere, I'm a good friend of your master. Vill you grant me vun vish?'
'Yes, I will', says the Genie.
So Sven asks the Genie for a million bucks.
The Genie disappears back into the tackle box leaving Sven sitting there, waiting for his million bucks.
Shortly, the sky darkens and is filled with the sound of a million more...

A few days before Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for a unique gift for his wife. The store manager tells him he has just what he's looking for! A beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas carols. He brings the husband over to a colorful but quiet bird. The man agrees that Chet certainly is pretty, but he doesn't seem to be much for singing. The manager tells him to watch as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lighter.

The manager then clicks the lighter and holds it under Chet's left foot. Immediately Chet starts singing;' Silent Night, Holy Night.' The husband is very impressed with Chet's singing abilities and watches as the manager moves the lighter underneath Chet's right foot. Chet now starts to sing' Jingle Bells, Jingle All the Way.' The husband says Chet is perfect and that he'll take him.

The husband rushes home to his wife and insists upon giving her this wonderful gift immediately. He presents Chet and starts to explain the more...

Searching for the perfect gift for his dear wife who loved animals and birds in particular, a man dropped in to the local pet shop to see if he could come up with an idea. The pet store manager told the man, "I have just the thing you're looking for, a bird named Chet".
Impressed with the look of the bird as the manager pointed out "Chet" on the near by perch, the man was even more intrigued when the manager pointed out that "Chet" could sing Christmas Carols.
Approaching the bird "Chet", the manager took out his lighter and said "Yes, just listen." As the manager lit his lighter and moved it gently below Chets right foot the bird immediately broke into "Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all..." but then, when the manager moved the lighter below Chet's left foot, the bird switched to "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas, just like the one's...".
Astonishment was the only way to describe the husband's more...

A man walked into a pet store looking for a new pet for his wife. So he asked the salesman for some assistance. The salesguy brought the man to a parrot in the back. "Now this is the perfect pet for your wife, Chet is an very special animal" the salesman said. "What makes him so special?" the man asked. The salesman took a lighter from his pocket and held it under the Chet's right foot, and Chet started to sing "Jingle bells, jingle bells.." and then the salesman held the lighter under is left foot and Chet started to sing "Deck the halls..." So the man asked, "What happens if you hold the lighter between his feet?" "Well I don't know" answered the salesman. So he holds the lighter between the parrot's legs and instantly Chet began to sing... "Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire..."