Lifts Jokes / Recent Jokes

bin laden, sadam hussane were sitting in a cave thinking of ways to bomb the U.S.A. and bin laden had his camel with him.
A man walks in lifts up the camels tail then walks out, then another man walks in lifts up the camels tail then walks out.
Sadam is looking a bit puzzled so he gose and asks a gard outside "
why are people coming in the cave, looking at the camels ass, then walking out?"
the gard replys "
oh, theres a man out there telling them that theres a camel in there with two arseholes."

This cowboy walks into the saloon and orders a whiskey. The bartender slides it along the bar and the cowboy downs it in one gulp. Immediately he rushes back out the bar, goes to his horse, lifts its tail, and gives it a huge smacking kiss there.

He then goes back into the bar and orders another whiskey. The bartender slides it along the bar and once again the cowboy downs it in one gulp then rushes out the bar, goes to his horse, lifts its tail, and gives it a huge smacking kiss there.

He goes back into the bar and orders another whiskey. By this time there are a number of other patrons looking at him with a fair bit of interest. The bartender decides he'd better ask what's going on before the cowboy gets too drunk to answer.

"So, Cowboy, why is it that every time you order a whiskey you go out and kiss your horse on the bum?"

The Cowboy (in his best drawl) replies "Chapped lips."

The bartender says with some more...

This fat lady walks into a pet store and she see's a bird that she wants to buy. She goes to the manager and say's "I want this bird."
The manager say's that the bird had a bad owner before he was brought to us. She said that she will treat him well.
The first night with the bird she is feeding him and she accedentily lifts up his left leg and screams "HALLELUAH!" The next night she is feeding the bird she accedentily lifts up his right leg and the bird screams "PRAISE THE LORD!"
The lady found this quite interesting so she invited the priest over for dinner the next night. After a good meal the fat lady walks the priest over to the bird and lifts up his right leg and once again screams "HALLELUAH!" She lifts up his right leg and it screams "PRAISE THE LORD!"
The priest found this ver fascinating and said to the lady "I wonder what would happen if u lift both legs up?"
The bird replies with a simple more...

It seems this fairly successful businessman in his early 30's was
getting lonely for some companionship. He was comfortably well off, lived in
a nice apartment, had refined tastes, but somehow or other he could never find
the perfect companion. Finally, he had an inspiration.
So our friend strolls into a pet shop and explains his problem to the
sympathetic clerk. The clerk thinks for a moment, then says, "I have the
perfect pet for you, sir," disappears into the back of the shop, and emerges
with
a small cardboard box. The gentleman opens the box, but, instead of finding a
dog or a cat, discovers a frog.
"A frog?" he asks disbelievingly.
"Ah," says the salesman, "but not just any frog. I really think you'll
be surprised with this pet. May I suggest you take it home for a trial. If it
does not meet with your satisfaction, feel free to bring it back within a week
for a full refund."
Well, more...

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, and walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife"What type of bra?" asked the clerk."Type?" inquires the man. "There is more than one type?""Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras," replied the salesclerk.Confused, the man asked what the types were.The saleslady replied "The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?"Still confused the man asked, "What is the difference between them?"The lady responded, "It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills." Military
Buying a Bra "A man walked more...

A guy who owns a horse farm gets a call from one of his buddies. "I know this midget with a speech impediment who's looking to buy a horse, so I'm sending him right over."
The midget arrives and the owner asks him if he's interested in a male or female horse.
"A female horth," replies the midget, so the owner shows him one.
"Nith looking horth. Can I thee her mouf?" the midget asks. The owner lifts the midget up and shows him the horse's mouth.
"Nith mouf," says the midget. "Can I thee her eyeth?" So the owner lifts the midget up and shows him the horse's eyes.
"OK, what about her earth?" the midget asks. Now the owner is beginning to get a little pissed, but he picks up the midget once more and shows him her ears.
"OK, finally, I'd like to thee her twat," says the midget.
Losing all patience, the owner picks up the midget and shoves his head up the horse, then pulls him out.
Shaking more...

What happens when the fog lifts in California? UCLA.