Licking Jokes / Recent Jokes

A lion in the London Zoo was lying in the sun licking its arse when
a visitor turned to the keeper and said, 'That's a docile old thing, isn't it?'
'No way,' said the keeper, 'it's the most ferocious beast in the zoo. Why just an hour ago it dragged an Australian tourist into the cage and completely devoured him.'
'Hardly seems possible,' said the astonished visitor, 'but why is it lying there licking its arse?'
'The poor thing is trying to get the taste out of its mouth.'

> Everything was rather quiet in the hundred acre wood. The trees whispered
> to each other as the wind rustled their leaves. Under a large oak tree,
> there lived Pooh bear. From inside Pooh's house, there came a steady
> bang... bang... bang!, that was making his honey jars rattle on the
> sideboard. The light came through the window, and in the evening sun Pooh
> raised the axe once more and brought it down on the tattered remains of
> Christopher Robin. "Why... won't... he... fit..." puffed Pooh to himself as
> the axe came down once more. There was a small pile of earth, and a hole
> next to it, which Pooh had hidden with his favourite rug. Christopher
> Robin, selfish prat that he was, didn't quite fit in the hole Pooh had
> dug, so instead of making it wider he had decided to hack Christopher
> Robin's legs off. "A far more sensible idea", thought Pooh, and hummed a
> little song to himself as he more...

Mommy, Mommy! What's an Oedipus complex?
Shut up and kiss me!
Mommy, Mommy! Whats an orgasm?
I don't know dear, ask your father.
Mommy, Mommy! What's a nymphomaniac?
Shut up and help me get Gramma off
the doorknob!
Mommy, Mommy! Why are we pushing the car off thecliff?
Shut up son, you'll wake your father.
Mommy, Mommy! The milkmans here;
have you got the money or should I go
out anplay?
Mommy, Mommy! Why's everybody running?
Shut up and reload.
Mommy, Mommy! Why are you moaning?
Shut up son, and keep licking.
Mommy, Mommy! Can I get pregnant?
Of course not dear, you are only seven years
old.
OK boys, same again...
Mommy, Mommy! Daddy's running down the street!
Shut up and step on the gas!
Come upstairs, son, like a good boy.
No, Mommy, you'll only throw me down again.

Mommy, Mommy! My head hurts!
Shut up and get away from the dart board!

Mommy, more...