League Jokes / Recent Jokes
What's the chilliest ground in the premiership? Cold Trafford! How did the footbal pitch end up as triangle? Somebody took a corner! Why didn't the dog want to play football? It was a boxer! What did they call Dracula when he won the league? The champire! Which England player keeps up the fuel supply? Paul gas coin! Manager: I'll give you fifty pounds a week to start with and a hundred pounds a week in a year's time? Young player: OK, I'll come back in a year's time! Manager: Twenty teams in the league and you lot finish bottom? Captain: Well, it could have been worse. Manager: How? Captain: There could have been more teams in the league!
In an emergency session of The Arab League, Saudi Foreign Minister Saud al-Faisal complained about Hezbollah. "These acts will pull the whole region back, and we cannot accept them." He added, "Also, Beirut is where I keep my bitches."
"Two Andy Gorams, there's only two Andy Gorams"
- Kilmarnock fans to the Rangers keeper after he had been diagnosed with mild schizophrenia
"I've told the players we need to win so that I can have the cash to buy some new ones."
- Chris Turner, Peterborough manager, before LC QF, 1992
"I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered."
- George Best
"If we played like that every week we wouldn't be so inconsistent."
- Bryan Robson, Man Utd, 1990
"That's great, tell him he's Pele and get him back on."
- John Lambie, Partick Thistle manager, when told a concussed striker did not know who he was.
"I was saying the other day, how often the most vulnerable area for goalies is between their legs."
- Andy Gray, Sky Sport
Richard Keys: "Well Roy, do you think that you'll have to finish above Manchester United to win the more...
(Baseball humor, for those out there who are Non-Cub fans.)
In 1908, the Chicago Cubs won the World Series. Since then:
Radio was invented.
Four states were admitted to the Union.
The atomic bomb was dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
Television was invented.
The U.S. went through the Great Depression.
The U.S. participated in two world wars and two major armed
conflicts, Korea and Vietnam.
The NFL was founded.
Man landed on the moon.
Thirteen presidents were elected and one was appointed.
Harry Carey was born.
Wrigley Field was built and became the oldest baseball park
in the National League.
Five flag poles, erected at Wrigley Field for the purpose of
holding a World Series flag, have worn out and been replaced
without ever holding a pennant.
Lights were installed at twenty-five major league baseball
stadiums-except Wrigley Field.
Ten teams were added to the major leagues.
Halley's Comet passed the more...
1981
1. Prince Charles gets married
2. Liverpool Champion's league winner
3. Pope dies.2005
1. Prince Charles gets married
2. Liverpool Champion's league winner
3. Pope dies.If Prince Charles gets married agan and
In baseball news, the New York Yankees were eliminated today by the lowly Detroit Tigers in the American League Divison Series. Yankees owner George Steinbrenner vowed from his hospital bed that he will do whatever it takes to acquire every ball player that's either "Over 38 years of age" or "...makes over $10million a year." Steinbrenner went on to explain how acquiring a player that fits both criterias would be "Ideal for the organization, even if it means trading away our entire minor league system."
Steinbrenner then advised GM Brian Cashman to "resign that Alex Rodriguez for double what he makes now."
Yankees fans all over the tri-state area can be heard praying for a 9/11 sequel, but this time they want Bin Laden to land some planes in both Steinbrenner's luxury box and Rodriguez's living room.
It's hard to find quality field-goal kickers for the Islamic Football League, because league rules allow for kickers who miss from inside 30 yards to have their feet amputated.